January 14, 2011

  • Safety

    I hate to do one of these again, but I was talking with a rather sweet Xangan friend of mine about something that happened to her the other day, and decided it was about time to do it again.

    As much as I love to get to know people on here, safety and time are important. Sometimes I meet a new friend here, and I immediately want to get to know them better. I want to chat instead of posting comments, or I want to be their real-life, Facebook friend instead of just their Xangan friend. The community part of blogging is very important to me. And I do like making new friends.

    However...it's important to wait, to make people earn your trust. There are unfortunately fake Xangans on here, pretending to be pretty girls or hot guys. There are also real Xangans who do not always have the best motives...and frankly, that's all of us at one time or another. (One of my favorite Jesus sayings is a moment of wry, somewhat dark humor when he said ""Why do you call me good? No one is good except one--God." It's unfortunately true).

    So don't hand out your number first time you're asked. Don't give out your Skype and cam chat after just one week. Don't give out your real name, location, school, or job; there's time for such details later on. Remember, good people usually have good friends; you will often know what person is like by kind of friends they have and how those friends treat them. Ask other Xangans "Hey, do you know so-and-so? Is he a good guy?" It's easy to get carried away by emotion.

    If you would like to share anonymously your story of why to wait and be careful, feel free to use the anonymous option on this post. I love how open the Xanga community is, but I also worry a little about some of my more trusting friends on here.
    Time itself does not cure all wounds...but it prevents more than its share of wounds.

Comments (15)

  • This is precisely why I'm still "Aoife" after 3 years :)

  • @The_Innocents_Corner -  At times I've wished some Xangans would be more open to being friends off Xanga, but, really, better safe than sorry...If they trust me too quickly, they might trust wrong person too quickly too. 

  • like :)

  • This reminded of something happening at my school. There's a facebook page of a girl who added over 300 people from my college within a couple of days, and everyone on her page is asking her who she is. We looked in the school directory and there is no one with that name at this school and so we think it's a creeper adding girls. So all of my friends defriended her but it's still creepy =P

  • @GreekPhysique - Well, I've "known" you since I started this Xanga thing, pretty sure I could trust ya ;)

    I just hate feeling like a creeper when I ask people where they live or if they'd be interested in meeting. Even though I met my husband online, and I know it's just what people "do" these days, it still seems like a totally skeevey thing to do.

  • I guess it's a different story for me, considering most of the active Xanga population seems to live on the American continent. :p but I think a lot of people could benefit from this. It's so easy to form a trusting bond with people in this sort of forum and feel sure that it will transfer into reality. Also natural to want to move into that "real" friendship, too. It really does take time to ensure you're not being duped into meeting someone, only to have them play some mean prank and not show up, proving they weren't "real" all along (which happened to an American online friend of mine a couple of years ago). Or worse, could be some mega-strong freak psychopath... the cliched fears, heh.

    So again - many people could benefit from the message of taking time to ensure the person you want to know better is for real. Talking over the phone and meeting up and learning tangible details can come later.

  • I'm probably too "trusting" on here but I'm aware of the risks. 

  • i dissagree with only one point. i think you can tell more about a person by how they treat their friends than how their friends treat them. judging someone by how other people treat them is how stigmas get cemented in, even those that are wholely undeserved.

  • tell it, John!

    i don't think this can be emphasized enough.

    women especially,seem to fall in love way too easily online.  as you say, it is wise to get to know somebody gradually, but then perhaps later,  really well in person, at the appropriate time. 

    i understand from experience, how words can be encouraging, charming, but also deceptive. online relationships conveniently don't require as much of a commitment as offline ones which require more physical, consistent sacrifices.

  • you just love killing my hobby....have to find someone else to stalk

    lol

  • That's why I use a bunny for a photo. You do know I'm not really a bunny right? Great post!

  • @Sunrise_Hope_Joy - You're not a bunny? UNFRIENDED I only added you because I thought your profile pic was cute ha.
    _

  • @GreekPhysique - I did write a confession blog, outing that I wasn't a bunny LOL. Very sorry. I hope you can forgive me! :)

  • Definitely good advice!

  • I'm definitely not a Xangan, but this is something I've thought about recently--especially since I use my real name on twitter and my blog.  Hopefully I'll be okay...or I'll just have to come up with a clever blog name ;)

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