April 10, 2011
-
On a Man's Anger
Just a quick blurb for thought that I just had. Do you think our society deals properly with male anger?
On the one hand, some of you might say our society is enamored with vigilante justice and glorifies a violent, angry response to problems.
On the other hand, some of you might say that the educational system and church does its best to silence, shame, and/or medicate any boys who are too intense and too outspoken.
I'm not really sure what I think yet. Too much tolerance of anger leads to a selfish society. But too little tolerance of anger leads to apathy and passivity. Or do we have it just right? Thoughts?
Comments (13)
From a prospective of someone who has worked with angry youth, i think people tend to look at it in black and white. It is actually a lot more complicated. Especially since I believe boys or men aren't encouraged to express emotions.....they get angry because people don't listen or notice their pain.
I've worked with many children who have serious anger problems, but that comes from mental health, developmental disability, or just having a shitty family life. So in my personal opinion its complicated...and I don't think its one thing or another but a mix of everything.
I don't know...sometimes it seems like there is too much tolerance, sometimes not enough. This blog is making me think...:)
@Emilythefairy - @freebirdheart - Yes, I'm starting to think it's a lot more complicated than I thought as well. I've heard both sides, and I believe both are right. But it's kind of weird for both to be right at the same time. Hmm...intrigued by what people will have to share on this. Emily, always good to hear from someone with some experience in the field on such an issue.
I don't think the issue is how we REACT to the anger of men, but that we don't teach or encourage men HOW to properly deal with it. Emotions come and go, temporary reactions to life obstacles. It's not healthy to punish and/or medicate men for anger issues, just as it's not healthy for men to suppress anger. Just my thoughts
To summarize, possibly too briefly, I think the "civilizing" drive in society tends to try to deny men avenues for expressing anger (or desire to fight), even healthy avenues, and that there's an expectation for it to be nonexistent, along with sexual desire as well--both of which are increased by testosterone, the biological antithesis of the social concept "let's just get along"--because the uncontrolled, "primative" version of these is so darn scary. And not conducive to family life, or to lots of men occupying a small area of land. This is all stuff I've picked up from writings by men; what do you think?
http://youtu.be/VtGW1Tq0lg0
That's actually a really good question... it needs to be asked when we start seeing a rise in violent crime among younger men these days. No guidance, lack of authoriy figures in places that need them, all add up to the obvious problems in all youth... I like what you say about how the churches and schools deal with it. It's really such a hard topic to tackle. I'll come back to read more opinions later.
I think young men want guidance but do not always get it, not in the way that's best for them (Usually the guidance of another more experienced/older man). There is also too much emotional repression. Guys internalize a lot, and it never gets out; they aren't taught to let it out or how to deal in healthy ways--just taught that crying or showing feelings is not manly. It's hard to talk about things that hurt, it takes a lot of courage--but no one's teaching anyone that.
Society in general deals with things based on whatever will earn the most drama. There is no rule (unless you fall over in a mall and expose yourself, then everyone just points and laughs).
@nerdyveggiegirl - I'm with you on this one. My counselor says, "feel your feelings". She also says "feelings don't think". Somewhere between feeling anger and acting on that anger is where you need to do something productive from or with that anger, and you need tools to do that.
(And yes, I'm totally okay with quoting my counselor btw.)
The hard part is understanding the appropriate way to deal with your anger. What you should and shouldn't get angry about, and how your anger can effect everyone around you. Society? Despite what your background is I beleive that you are in control of your own path. What you decide to make of your emotions, and your reactions are yours alone.If we keep passing the blame, you will never be able to change yourself.
Hmmm interesting. From my experience I have found that boys are more aggressive than girls. I think channeling it towards competitive sports or discipline arts, like karate, would be good. Harnessing that aggression but not necessarily suppressing it!
It's an eminently selfish society, certainly. I didn't realize it had or needed a position on male anger.
Comments are closed.