May 26, 2011

  • How I Almost Met Your Mother

    I think the statue of limitations is hazy enough that I can share this with you Xanga kiddos. A few years ago, I was starting a new job, and had to fill out a payroll form. Being the dullest bulb in the box, I promptly messed up the form and got a letter of correction from "Gertrude Jones, Senior Accountant" saying I should stop over and fix the form. I walked over to Accounting to get this fixed, dreading the icy stare from a white-haired Gertrude for not being able to use my fingers to properly count my dependents.

    I asked a young-looking secretary for Gertrude, only to find out that "Gertrude Jones" was an attractive young woman around my age. I did my best to endear myself via various charming conversation extenders. Which, since I had come to the department to talk about taxes, were probably about a Barney Fife out of 10 on the awkwardness scale. I left intrigued. Also, I might add I was dressed up that day, and was pretty sure I had caught her eye.

    Normally, this would have ended, because I had no legitimate reason to ever go to that office again. However, I stalked perused her facebook and found that she was single, Christian, and a lot of things I liked. So, I employed my patented, top-secret loveology methods, tested and tried, and made her an offer she couldn't refuse asked her out the day after. Victory was assured!

    Or not, because turns out that Facebook hadn't been updated to represent that she was currently dating a guy. She was flattered and talked to me here and there on occasion. Our paths crossed ridiculously often for being in completely different departments. But she became his girlfriend soon after officially on Facebook, and I also started seeing someone myself soon after. She ended up marrying the guy about 18 months later. Ironically, he did look a little like me, in that generic dark-haired kind of way, but hey, no big deal. I just counted it as a fun memory and wasn't too perturbed. After all, my time pursuing her was about 3 days total, ha, I didn't have much emotion invested.

    However, a few days ago, my friend was at a party with her and her husband. He mentioned me in passing. She said "Oh, yes! He asked me out!...THE SAME DAY GEORGE (HER HUSBAND) DID." And that, kiddos, is how I almost met your mother.

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