June 16, 2011
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Someone Did it Better
See those photos you took that you are so proud of? Didn't you do a great job of using the sunlight in contrast to that person's face? Bad news: someone did it better. Look it up on Flickr. See?
That movie review you did was hilarious and told me what I needed to know before going to see that movie. However, I looked it up on Rotten Tomatoes and what do you know? Someone else was funnier. Someone else had better details about the movie.
One of the best and worst things about the Internet is the ease of comparison. In days gone by, you might have been the most beautiful woman in your small town. Men and women alike would have held you up as the example of beauty. But now that prettier women are more easily accessible, you're more easily compared, and now they remark disparagingly about that small birthmark on your neck.
The tough reality is that no matter what job I do, someone else can probably do it better. Any blog I write, any video I make, any photo I snap, someone has probably done it before, and done it better. The question I ask myself as a perfectionist is, how do you not let this affect you? Because if someone can do it better, why should I do it, if I create inferior product? Why should I do it if it's been done? I'd write more about this and finish this post, but, well, someone else...
Comments (32)
...did it better. But seriously, fellow perfectionists, how do you deal with this? It really does bother me in certain areas of my life.
its hard for me sometimes, especially in the areas I'm less confident of myself in. Like writing slam. I'm good, but someone else does it better. Always. A lot of times I purposely seek only to compare myself to myself--and then when I've made an acceptable level of progress, I watch the really good people for inspiration. I understand that I won't always be the best (although I'm killer at some things) but I've learned that if I keep besting myself, I'll be okay.
You know what? I sadly conformed to the idea that there is always "someone better" than anybody for anything. But, not being the best doesn't mean that you need to take away the happiness it causes in your life. Just because you're not the best, you should stop doing it and crawl in a hole and die. I suck at writing... I do but I still enjoy the little I do.... I'm not the greatest in music either but it was a passion and I still majored in it... even though there are millions of people better than me, they can't take away the joy I get when a student's eye lighten up because they understood with me and not with a more knowledgeable person. Picture to me are meaningless they always look like crap anyways... but "beauty lies in the eye of the beholder" ... there might be more beautiful people out there but what good does that make you if you can never actually verify it for yourself? And if you can... would you be worthy enough to have such beauty? So much to think about... thanks for this reflective post.
I don't know... Is anything really better? Does my mother really bake a better chocolate cake than I do? Do I make better clam chowder than her?
Is the Dachshund that won best in show really a better specimen than the Golden Retriever that won second place?
When it comes down to it, it's the individual that decides if something is "better". "Better" is based on a person's tastes, past, feelings, and experiences. I think that "better" is an opinion.
Perhaps it helps to recognize that all our talents are on loan anyway. We humbly realize that beauty fades, younger athletes replace older
ones with more vigor, etc.
Maybe this is where grace comes in. Grace appreciates when it really doesn't have to. One may not be the best, but to take a lesson from joy luck club, sometimes best quality is the kind of person who doesn't always expect the "best".
Therefore, keep giving/serving, but maybe examine motives and tailor expectations accordingly.
@rays_anatomy -
great point
Comparison is the death of contentment. Just don't do it.
Comparison is useful at certain times but when it becomes a competition it tends to get malignant. Everyone has something to bring to the table, sometimes being perfect is not as valuable as being unique. If you can embrace your individuality and put everything you have into your work, then you should be able to say you're genuinely satisfied, regardless of the people around you.
do nothing or be the person who did it better, placing oneself before all who survey.
and if you can't do either, then facilitate those who can. be the one who makes it so strangers who you think will work well together, meet and harbor their curious ideas at the same place, try to translate when POV makes one discipline at odds with the other. you don't have to know the outcome if you are able to find the ingredients.
this is why myself and others speak disparagingly about the self esteem movement. who posit that all are equal, ha
basically improve your strengths and neglect your faults, and if you have no strengths then support those who do. ^^
At some point, you get to a stage where there really is nobody better. Or, you fail to achieve that, and you die sad and lonely.
Great. Now I'm depressed...
try taking your ego out of it. do the same things, but know that your worth isn't measured by external responses. then, it won't matter if someone else did it better or whatever because that would never dimish the value of your work.
I would comment, but 6 people already did it better.
It bothers me, but it doesn't. I think I'm good at taking photos ...but that doesn't mean the rest of the world likes the way I take my shots. I guess it's more of a challenge to make myself better, because I already know that pretty much everybody with a camera has me beat, but I keep taking photos. Same with writing, and drawing. Practice makes perfect, right?
If you consider yourself just a "producer" than yes, you are always going to put out a product inferior to someone elses. Just the way it is. But no, you are a child of the universe, and it is your duty to experience your life. To observe and report and not give a darn what other people are saying. It is your responsibility to feel those things and if you want, share them. No one can experience it the exact same way you do, because no one's life is quite like yours, anyway.
Sooooo... If I've seen the best movie EVER, there's no need to see any of the others? Rotten Tomatoes does have really witty reviews. It also has some real lousy reviews. Someday those could be MY lousy reviews. :) Fact is, lots of people enjoy lousy. Lots of people will even pay for lousy. If you're doing what you enjoy, and others enjoy what you are doing, I'd say you have it pretty good.
I always remind myself that, no matter what I do, there will always be someone better at it than I am. I push myself enough to where I can be better than someone else.
I've struggled with this, but as a Christian, when I remember God has gifted all the members of His Body uniquely and has good works He's ordained for each of us to His glory, then I can get out of that comparison trap, take my eyes off myself and put them onto Christ - for sinful comparison is really all about our being focused on ourselves. I need to seek to be pleasing to the Lord in what I'm doing and not people. Also to remember that anything that I do that is good and worthwhile is only due to the Spirit of God at work in me ~ I Cor. 15:10.
(There are good ways to make use of comparison, but that's not what you were addressing here.)
It’s so arbitrary, the opinions on what is better than anything we have “created”. It’s all based on so many personal tastes and preferences that there’s no concrete way of measuring how much anyone’s endeavour of creativity – abstract or explicit – is less valuable or “better” than another’s. So with this in mind, I just forget about it and do what I do anyway. (This is good, as for the last five years I’ve always been crippled creatively by the knowledge that not everyone will believe I have any talent at all, let alone like my work better than any given person’s endeavours on show in the world.)
If there is one thing you can't complain about, is your height and looks. Now, your sex life I have no clue about. I have feelings for this person, and I know she has sex with men. It makes me feel less of a man. She made it clear I am sad pathetic small dik man to her. I suffer (begins to suffer.)
This worries me a lot, especially in my quest to become a writer. But I can't let it completely stop me. Same goes with photos I snap. I do them because I love to write and take pictures. I feel the inspiration and the drive to create and express. Life is way too short to worry about who came before you and did it better. The best thing is to be open to learning more to polish your own style--not lose your mind over the comparisons. That is such a job for any level of perfectionist.
@weedorwildflower - completely agree.
because it's something unique. The wonderful thing about all that is 'creative' is that just as it's very subjctively created it's also subjectively rated. Most people lik what's in the charts...they obviously meet many peoples taste. But I still like songs that no one else cares for, and I still wear clothes that others find ugly. It's not about being the best, it's about being you. If I take pictures they are from my life for example, I want them to look ok but in first place its a unique moment captured. And if I write something, for example a review or an essay you might find it boring, but it is still the very way that I see it- the 'truth' from MY eyes. If somone falls in love with me his eyes are fixed upon ME not the other 3.5 billion women in the world. It's about a maximum of self-expression for me, not a maximum of popularity.
I used to be so harsh in always comparing myself to someone else in every arena. I still do comparisons but not so severely. What it did to me when I was younger was rob me of self expression, fun experiences, and made me feel inadequate. There will always be someone better, smarter, funnier, more talented or whatever. However, there is no one else like me or you. No one else does what we do with our special twist on things. Everything we do is a part of us, an expression of us. What we do and participate in makes us well-rounded, enables us to relate to others, and gives us a feeling of accomplishment. I may not be the best at what I do, yet I love it and I do the best I can.
who cares? i mean obviously you do, but why? what's the obsession with doing the best?
this is honestly the reason i don't do much at all. i don't give a damn if someone does it better, in fact i'm more than willing to give them props, what i get sick and tired of is everything being a damn competition upon which my value as a person hinges. what's even more annoying is hearing people who are constantly receiving accolades, followers, attention etc, whining about how unpopular they are or people with good careers and lots of friends complaining about how they feel like failures. some of us actually struggle with those things.
I don't see why someone else doing things better matters. Life isn't a competition, besides that "better" is usually very subjective. If you enjoy writing your blog, write it. If you enjoy photography, do it. That's it.
A very good question that I'm sure every artist at one point or another finds themselves asking. I like to think that since every single person is different it's less about it being the best and more about it being my perspective that is unique to me. As 30 people to take a picture of a flower and you'll get a variation of photographs, every person sees an event or item or idea from their own view. This is what attracts me to art, no so much that it is a flawless portrayal as it is a unique rendition of someone's version of reality. No that anyone cares what I think, but that's the beauty of it.
personal satisfaction
No one can be a better you than you. It's easy to forget as the world gets smaller but individuals are still uniquely amazing creatures.
Its true someone will always be better than yuh but if yuh look at it from a different point of view yur always ganna be better than someone too.
Just remind yourself that LOTS of people did it worse.
This is such and I mean *SUCH* a struggle I face especially in reference to my latest post. That is why change scares me, because the whole "why fix it if it isn't broke" thing haunts my mind followed by "why even try, you're not going to be as good as this or that person... so what's the point?". I'm really trying to overcome it -- crazy how mind has so much power over matter!
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