November 9, 2011

  • Save the Xanga Product Council!

    WARNING: Extreme silliness ahead

    A few weeks ago, The Xanga Team asked if any of us wanted to be part of the Xanga Product Council. Being an innocent soul, I volunteered. What could be the harm in volunteering an hour of my time to help a website that has given me so much entertainment over the years? Little did I know, however, that I was putting myself in harm's way. A dark force was targeting the Xanga Product Council while we blissfully volunteered our time to help Xanga. Powerful forces too insidious to be named were massing to defeat our merry band of blissful would-be amateur consultants! We never saw it coming...

    It began with standard surveillance and intimidation--the usual tools of the Dark Side. Members of the Xanga Product Council were being stalked to try to accuse them of being unworthy of the Xanga Product Council so that they could be replaced by members of the Dark Side. Even blocking could not save innocent Xanga Product Council members from being observed and measured. Even blocking IP won't turn away such a determined stalker. Yet the Xanga Product Council stood strong, unwilling to kick out members even under such intimidating tactics. Much like Chamberlain in '38, appeasement was attempted, and failed miserably.

    This dark force could not be thwarted by appeasement. Some members of the Xanga Product Council spoke courageously of a Front Page whose content wouldn't just be dependent on who begged for the most comments and recs. The very thought horrified the Dark Side. Those of us on the XPC WERE THREATENED WITH DEATH. Your Xanga Product Council could at any moment be dragged from their homes and burned at the stake for their beliefs! We tremble in fear at our soon-coming doom. We've committed the mortal sin of not having all the same opinions as Xanga users from 3 years ago. As everyone knows, the right way to get new customers is to ignore current trends and focus on old customers.

    Naturally, I beg for you to stand with us as we undertake this brave new world. Stand for truth, justice, and Xanga improvement! Don't fall for the Dark Side's attempts to vilify the Xanga Product Council. Or at least, make a cool movie about us if we perish that makes us seem twice as cool as we really are. I wonder if Ben Affleck is busy...

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