March 6, 2012

  • Things Little Boys Hate (That Grown Women Love)

    When I was a little boy, I had a choice on which hobbies to pursue. My mom and dad tried to steer me in certain directions based on what they liked. They were never too clear about why they wanted me to do certain activities at the time. But I wonder, why didn't anyone tell little boys like me why some of those hobbies might be so important in 2012? Read with me:

    Playing the piano or singing:
    Then: "This is so boring just sitting here and playing these keys. Why would I want to do this? I wish I had the drums. I'm going to hit these keys as hard as I can and just fool around. How many more minutes until practice time is over?!"
    What might have been now: "Susan, I wanted to play this little song on the keyboard for you, if you wouldn't mind listening."

    Cooking:
    Then: "Let's see how many weird things we can sneak into the soup today in Home Ec class, guys! Good thing we don't have to eat this, right?" "Mom, no, I don't want to watch you cook. That's boring!"
    What might have been now: "I don't think you can claim you're making spaghetti unless it's your own sauce. I picked these tomatoes from my garden two weeks ago and made my own sauce once I obtained the necessary herbs from the local farmer's market. I hope you enjoy this."

    Good English and Grammar:
    Then: "Tom why do you use big words? You think you better than us? Show-off!" "Why do we have to write stories? This is so dumb!"
    What might have been now: "My dearest Susan, I had no idea my excellent grammar during last night's texting marathon could serve as a pheromone. I was so inspired, I wrote you a sonnet about the sway of your hips as you walked across the meadow last week. I thought the iambic pentameter was an excellent match for the rhythm of your movement."

    Dance, Gymnastics, or Ice Skating:
    Then: "Why would I want to spend an hour touching a girl?" "Only girls do cartwheels, Tom, stop it!"
    What might have been now: "Truly, Susan, if you must know my heart, you must meet me on the tango floor for my weekly class. I find that only tango sets my soul free."

    Fashion:
    Then: "Ouch, dad, this tie is too tight! I can't wait to go home and change!" "Mom, why do you always tell me I don't match? Come on, the shirt and pants are both green!"
    What might have been now: "Why thank you, Susan, but I must also credit my tailor. It's difficult to properly fit my well-sculpted shoulders in a suit, but he does wonders with those alterations of his."

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