April 14, 2012
-
Modesty as a Prayer: Finale
I'm almost out of time so here goes. I think that in the end, we need a radical re-definition of modesty for it to make any sense given what I said. Modesty is about leaving something on the table, leaving something in the foyer before we leave the house. It's about trust, an odd trust in the ever-watching God (or if you will, the universe) that the rest of the world will notice what he sees even if we do not parade it.
I have a funny mental picture of a handsome man or woman exiting the shower, their beauty in full display. And then somehow looking in the mirror, and smiling, and saying to no one in particular "You see this. But I believe that the right person will love less than my best, and then can receive my best." And that person doesn't put on all the makeup they could, doesn't put on their tightest shirt, leaves the cologne unopened, and walks out.
But don't you know that this is a competitive world? I need my best to compete! How can I leave something on the table? Don't I need to write my best words, my most romantic sayings? Don't I need to tell people what I have to offer? Look they won't know if I don't tell them! What if I have an ugly face but a beautiful body? Must I remain single for that, must I hide my curves or my abs? It's not fair, I say!
Yet...I think of Jesus, not letting the crowd make him King even if he deserved it. I think of the beauty of a person who knows that their gifts are indeed given to them, and to be treated with care. That there's a certain wonder when a person knows they deserve better, and yet settles for less. That I would rather have the full love of a few than the fickle admiration of many.
Somehow, modesty is about not needing to display everything at once. About cultivating an air of mystery, about bringing forward weaknesses as well as strengths. And if I may, there is a dream associated with modesty too...that as you go deeper in walking with the modest person, each day brings forth a little more beauty that you didn't see when you first met, and the end is better than the beginning. That is the modesty gamble, that is the modesty prayer, and it is a dream worth chasing, I think. It's not about being afraid of watchful eyes, or criticism, or feeling that society doesn't deserve your best. It's an intentional desire to be honest, to be real, and oddly...to be confident in who you are despite not being able to prove it as easily as you could.
Done. Now to read your comments. This was interesting.
Comments (16)
This blitz is not boring!
Great thoughts. The one thing I would take issue with here is the idea that modesty means people will see less than our best. It may be a different part of our best that we're showing, but I don't think it's less. Being less exposed doesn't mean being less of who we are in essence.
Really interesting group of posts. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Immodesty doesn't bother me unless it's intended to harm others. A person being immodest often has deeply rooted issues, like you've said, and it's a reflection upon themselves. The intent of their boasting, exhibitionism, or general ostentatiousness, along with the individual's cultural norms, needs to be considered before reacting or judging.
I enjoyed reading these posts about modesty; they've given me a lot of food for thought.
Great thoughts!
I really like your thoughts on this. I think, for me, I have had more a tendency of being modest more for the sake of being insecure in my gifts, talents and looks. I feel like everything I do needs to be perfected before people can see it. This is something God has been really working on in me. When I first got saved, I used to be terrified to pray out loud (and I was in a community that did quite a lot of praying with each other). I was afraid I wouldn't know what to say, or that I would stumble over my words. But, the more time I spent with the Lord, the more I just wanted to pray with people, simply because He had given me new compassion and excitement to do it, and it wasn't about me anymore, but about Him and the person I was praying for. Ultimately, I personally believe that our looks, talents, and achievements really shouldn't be about us. They should be for the glory of the One who gave them to us. I should paint a picture to capture something beautiful, and share it, because He gave me the ability to do so. I shouldn't boast in it, because I couldn't have done it without Him giving me the ability. I shouldn't hide it, either, because then it would be all about me protecting myself from being vulnerable to criticism. I hope that makes sense:)
Excellent post. Definitely a perspective I hadn't thought about. It is like modesty is more a belief/attitude than action. I like that as I think thoughts/beliefs typically precede our actions.
I don't think the human body is immodest. While it is one thing to brag about having a lot of money, we usually can measure someone's words. I'm a 34DD and I want to wear a tank top when it is 110 degrees (I'm in CA, so it often is during the summer). Yet, I look like a tramp to some people since tank tops show a lot of cleavage. I used to care about modesty, but then it ended up I was just hot all the damn time. People need to worry more about people's actions, than how they dress. A properly "modest" person can be a serial killer while the "immodest" person can be the doctor who saves one of his victims. Which is really more important?
Much like @caroliiineee said, Christians are supposed to put Christ on display. Contrary to what our sin nature tells us, life is NOT all about us and the universe does NOT revolve around us. If we insist on making much of ourselves, that may make us feel good for a season, but in the long-term we'll end up empty, miserable and discontented. We'll only be happy and satisfied and in the will of God as we make much of Jesus. John 3:30 He must increase, but I must decrease.
I think modesty is a side effect produced when people are more concerned with substance than with style -- thus they focus on what is truly best and what truly matters, not just what is in highly sought at the moment, not just at putting their best face or foot forward. If our only concern is for ourselves and our own advancement then we will live empty lives -- they may be dazzling, but that is only superficial style. In light of the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic, I'll quote the words of the flippant song about it -- "Mrs. Brown turned around, just to see her husband drown, ... and she put on a mink just to see a lifeguard sink." (Note: this is an old song and there are many variants to it.) It is shallow to be concerned about appearances when action is called for. So perhaps ultimately the question is: is this a time when we have the luxury to indulge in frivolity or is this a time that calls for serious action?
Whenever you write posts about social interactions, it always makes me think, "He's such a city kid." It's just a stereotype I'm sure, but it screams New York to me. You make it sound as though everyone around you is focused on how to get the right girl or be the alpha male. It's like your social life is preparation for a high school yearbook. Success seems to consist of getting your picture in it the most times, being in the most elite clubs, and making sure your relationship has a happy ending, even if you have to be a 2-dimensional version of yourself to achieve it.
Here at the end you seem to take a different approach, seem to be looking for an intensely intimate and beautiful relationship in which you can be fully yourself with just that one person once you have found her. It's an idyllic picture and yet, I wonder, if it's just a "sleeper" approach to the same Disney-inspired game.
@caroliiineee - I really liked this a lot. I think there comes a time when we become bold with our gifts because we realize that they are for others too, and not just for ourselves to take pleasure through our gifts. Well-said.
that last paragraph (before the comment part) was perfect. i copied and pasted it to a word document that i will print and re-look at. because i need to remember it. thank you. i know it took a lot of experiences and challenges in your own personal life to get to the place where you could understand the issue/complexity enough to be able to put those final thoughts together on paper in such a clearn and beautiful manner. i am slightly jealous. wish i had been able to write that:). Thank you for all the time you invest in Xanga. i know you do it because you like to, it is a hobby, you grow yourself...and all those other reasons, but i want you to know that it is appricated. by me.
Wow, that sounded very disdainful, which I didn't intend. I was just thinking how so many people have these strategies for their social lives and it seems artificial to me, but then again, sometimes waiting for something to happen organically means the waiting never ends. I suppose I have always thought that, when I was worthy to have friends and relationships, they would happen again. So it hasn't really made sense to me to make a particular effort to achieve them. You've gotten me thinking, though. The primary dream that I have had for my life is to be a wife and mother. If you look at it in that way, it would be my "career" just like it used to be for all women when they could not have careers or legally provide for themselves. So perhaps for that reason it deserves a more aggressive approach. And yet, if you start looking at it in that way, as something to achieve, I think you could easily fall into the trap of going after the "perfect" guy no matter what it takes and no matter who you have to be to do it. So here I have come full circle, more thoughtful, but no wiser. Still, it is a worthwhile consideration, and I will think on it more.
@TiredSoVeryTired - There's a very fair comment to be made that, say, the woman who is tall and has very long legs or who is very curvy gets unfairly judged. Thanks for bringing it up.
@rwinzeler - I so appreciated your comment, and it made me smile. Thank you too for all your volunteer work in Brazil and your wonderful heart for others. I appreciate your blog very much.
@naphtali_deer - I think one big problem is that people think only of themselves and promoting themselves. There's another debate to be had that when a culture becomes too individualist, modesty becomes irrelevant. But that ignores the concept that we have some responsibility to one another too.
@methodElevated - I'm honored to be able to feed your thoughtful mind.
@Pickwick12 - Interesting, I'd like to see a follow-up blog expanding that thought.
@fresusjeak - thanks! @AmyDoo - thanks! @AnyasFriendMe - Yes, substance vs. style is a big part of it.
@GreekPhysique - I think in your responses you've nailed my concern on the head: Individualism denies compassion and corporate responsibility as well as fostering selfish personal agendas and immodesty. To mention the Titanic again -- 75% of the female passengers survived but only 20% of the male passengers survived. ( http://www.titanicfacts.net/titanic-survivors.html ) This stunned the non-Christian world. The Japanese were bewildered and thought that this was unnatural or at least overly idealistic. Who would provide for the widows? Why would the educated, capable men sacrifice themselves for the women? Those who focus on doing the right thing will demonstrate modesty and their examples will change the world. Those who try to seek to be great without also seeking to be good, may create a great appearance, but in the end, no one will find them worth remembering. The mystery is not that the modest hide their own strengths. The mystery is that the immodest dare to boldly mock God by saying foolish things (like "Not even God himself could sink this ship.”) or by acting like they or their vain tings are the centre of the universe.
This post is definitely my favorite of this set.
I'm never on xanga but I get your updates in my email so I'm glad I get to keep up with you that way.
Comments are closed.