August 16, 2012

• My Experience Photographing for Frond Magazine

  I'm sure you've noticed the vast number of nature photos I've posted lately. I'm looking into alternate careers, and have decided to try photography. Recently I contracted with Frond Magazine to travel to Greece to photograph the elusive supermodel Danielius Stupendus with a non-deciduous tree. Frond Magazine exists to promote the non-deciduous lifestyle, and I'm sure you've heard of their very popular Coconut of the Month club. In a world dominated by change and flashy colors, I identified with their passion for greenery and stability. However, I was worried at the challenge posed by photographing the temperamental, moody Danielius Stupendus.

  
  You often hear that models are vapid creatures, merely canvas for the photographer's inclinations. But Stupendus had very firm opinions on how the shoot was to be conducted. He was dissatisfied with the donated tree models from the local arboretum. "More like A-Bort-them" he sniffed. "I expected something much more leafy and alive. How am I supposed to be fierce in the presence of such unadorned stockage? This isn't even a real frond!" I tried to explain to him the budget limitations that have hit the magazine industry. In the old days, Frond could easily have flown out a few frond-filled fun young shoots for a good centerfold, but concerns over carbon footprint and authenticity have limited the company's budget. (Also, no one buys magazines anymore.) He finally deigned to attempt to bond with the leaf:

  
  One thing I don't think you non-professional types will understand is the degree of emotional resonance needed for a good shoot. A model must bond with the accessories and props. I could see that Danielius was starting to feel the green energy radiating from the tree. (This is a good time to note that Frond Magazine's Leafthusiasm Therapy is merely $299 in the month of September. Please use affiliate code #FondFrond481 so that I can get credit for my referral. It's hard making money as just as a photographer. Thank you.). However, his senses were not truly activated yet. In a tender moment that's still difficult for me to talk about without getting a bit misty, he cradled the leaf and breathed deeply, thus activating touch, sight, smell, and taste in one photo. (For those of you wondering, he assured me the leaf on his tongue was a sensory experience not easily replicated or compared, and urges you all to take part in such recreational activities carefully. Perhaps at a Leafthusiasm Therapy course?). That photo is below.
  
  I can't share more photos from the shoot, as I want you all to run to your nearest independent bookstore and buy not one, not two, but several copies of Frond Magazine to share with your pro-deciduous friends. Truly, even the hardest Midwest heart will be swayed by our recipe for coconut waffles, our touching feature article on being young and non-deciduous in Morocco, and of course more uncensored shots of the world-famous supermodel Danielius Stupendus engaged in bonding with a leaf. Let's just say that he named and adopted the tree by the end of the shoot, and personally chopped down the maple trees that used to adorn his driveway. So buy a copy of Frond Magazine today! You wouldn't want to disappoint Danielius, would you?
  

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