November 1, 2012

  • Romantic Setups at 5, 18, 25, and Now

    When I was little (about 4? 5?), I would create stories inside my head. At some point, I realized that my stories only had male characters, and begrudgingly introduced a female into my adventures. She had dirty blond hair, was rather tough, and wore jeans, as I recall. In other words, she was the exact opposite of everyone I knew at the time.

    When I was eighteen, I thought the most ideal romance would be to date someone who you had been friends with for a long time. After months, even years of no romance, suddenly a magic flame would alight, and the two of us would see each other in a new light. Given that we already knew each other so well, it would be easy to get married and build a stable life together.

    When I was twenty-five, I thought the most ideal romance would be to date a better version of myself. She would be smarter, more athletic, more skilled, and more good-looking (the bar to surpass is rather low in some of those cases, ha). Yet we would have a lot in common and share similar outlooks and mindsets.

    When I was...well, no more was, am....I started running out of thoughts on romance. Perhaps it was because I have gotten to experience each potential situation and seen the drawbacks. Perhaps it is because I am older and wiser, and as such realize romance is sometimes ruined by correct guesses. I suppose now I want to find someone who compliments my strengths and weaknesses. Fit matters. But I think it's easier not to dream or plan. I can't tell if I am giving up, or growing up.

Comments (12)

  • This was a roughly done blog. I'm falling out of practice! Just no real desire to write at the present, I'm afraid.

  • Who knows.  As we grow older and date, our perceptions seem to continually change

  • Awww haha yeah i used to imagine ill be in a relationship for a really long time and thn to be married... I dunno, i ws just discussing this with
    my mate how these internet days, not being nacarcisstic, guys dont take initative anymore. The good ones either gay or married. Hah story of my life!

  • There's only one girl in the world for you, but she probably lives in Tahiti.

  • I hear ya... but frankly you just sound really depressed, here. Perceptions change, true - but you almost sound like you're ready to give up the towel. Maybe you should talk to someone about that...

  • Maybe compromise?

  • You know, they say when you stop looking that's when it hits you...

  • Who knows, maybe the girl your looking for has a mixture of each of your "dream girls".  It could really be anybody.  Keep your eyes open.

  • I don't think it's giving up, I think it's a sign of maturity.

    When I was younger I dreamed my husband would be tall, dark, handsome, and have a ton of qualities I was adamant I would refuse to compromise on. Good thing to have high standards, right?  Wrong!! I met people who, on paper, matched my expectations but there was absolutely

    nothing

    there. When you're older you realize so much fades in importance when you have a real connection with someone.

    You're a great guy, someone will be very lucky to call you theirs! Just you wait.

  • Lets see... when I was a little girl my romantic ideal was Jareth the Goblin King from Labyrinth. Some bad dude I'm not supposed to like and dont like, but he falls for me and decides to offer me the world if I just love him back... blah blah blah. I was fascinated by those bad boy characters such as The Phantom in Phantom of the Opera. Its years later after experience with bad boys that you realize they are not nearly as cool as the fantasy, or they are deadly.

    In my teens I pined for relationships with my crushes but hated the risk because had I dated them... rumor about everything we did would spread all over the high school. Or thats what I witnessed with the girls who were willing to risk it and possibly get pregnant. Its a double edge sword because you are super interested in sex but dont want any drama attached to it. That and those are big years for insecurity.

    In my 20's- I think I really wrestled with the idea of romance because now you are in long term relationships or you are getting deeply connected with other people. Reality becomes much much larger than any fantasy and the cost of living in any fantasy world is too high. You deal with what is in front of you, and you learn NOT to survive on hopes because time is wasting. You have to figure out who you are and what you want... and is this really WHO you want?

    Now I'm 32 and I know that there is much more to life than romantic relationships and its possible to be happy without them. I definatley do not want to repeat the decisions or relationships I had in my 20's. Romance is not a child's playground anymore than it is a cliche box of chocolates and red roses. Whatever romance is supposed to be I think of it as naturally occuring and ideally tempered with wisdom and humor.

  • Growing wisdom more like it. You're giving up ill-conceived romantic perceptions that most people growing up are brainwashed into. It's pretty liberating when you figure out what's more important, rather what you find attractive in someone and what you are allowed to expect of them within reason. I remember when I was younger the most important thing was hotness factor. You're good looking? LET'S GO OUT! I quickly discovered there's a lot more to finding an ideal partner. I can honestly say at 25, I know who I'm looking for. I also know that it's not at all easy to find that. Writing a list of negotiable and non-negotiable traits of an ideal partner helps a lot. 

    That said, I humbly think everyone has a different version of romance. It's not universal, though some things may be. It depends on how you define it and if the person you're interested in defines it the same way. I leave you with a Dr. Seuss quote which perfectly sums it up: "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." 

  • <3 Feel your pain. I am exactly at that point, wondering if I've simply give up on waiting for the right person or if I'm finally realizing what reality is like.

    We're in a tough spot ;)

Comments are closed.

Post a Comment