February 20, 2013
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Which Signals Do Guys Misread the Most?
So, fellow men, let's walk into the coffee shop together. As you walk in, a woman looks up from her book, smiles, and then looks down at her book again. She totally wants you to go talk to her, right?
Sadly, you're probably wrong. Women smile more than men do. She's probably smiling about something she read in the book, or your funny hat. But it probably isn't a smile because you're so attractive. In fact, according to studies, men are so illiterate in body language, even if she does find you attractive, you wouldn't pick up on her signals!
"Men were more likely than women to miscategorize afriendly-looking woman as indicating sexual interest,but—crucially—they also flunked out when it came to recognizing photosshowing sexual interest: men were more likely than women to misidentifysexually interested targets as merely friendly, by 37.8% vs. 31.9%. Inshort, “men were more likely than women to misperceive friendliness assexual interest, but they also were quite likely to misperceive sexualinterest as friendliness,” the scientists found. “Men weresignificantly less sensitive to the distinction between friendlinessand sexual interest”—in both directions, since they couldn’t tell whenwomen were sad as opposed to rejecting, either.”
If you would, taste the irony with me. A friendly, easy-going, smiling women is likely to attract a plethora of men who are sure that she sexually desires them just because she smiles in their general direction. And then men wonder why some women are so cold...it's the only way to avoid men from misreading friendliness!
So smiling is one signal that guys misread as sexual interest. What are some of the others?
Comments (29)
I'm so intrigued! Not that I pick up on signals, either...but still intrigued!
Hanging out. A chick will just "hang out". I think... I kick it with my guy friends and play video games and drink PBR. But they're my friends, not someone I'm actually interested in.
note to self, don't smile so much.
I have no idea how to interact with strangers so I assume everyone wants nothing to do with me. I don't think I've ever assumed a smiling woman wanted me sexually.
My confession: when I was younger, before I read this study and knew more, I always was attracted to women with great smiles. It wasn't that I thought that they liked me per se, but I was the proverbial moth drawn to the flame, ha. "THOSE TEETH ARE SO SHINY! I MUST CONVERSE WITH THEIR OWNER." Awk-ward.
Oh gosh, I think I smile at everyone just for the sake of being friendly. Guys don't seem to pick up on verbal clues either.. I'll think that I am clearly sending the message across that I am not interested in a relationship with a guy and sometimes they just don't pick up on it at all. Although, I'll admit that even when I am rejecting someone's advances, I tend to word it in the nicest way possible and maybe I need to learn to be more direct?
God, I know I get frustrated when I flash my boobs and a guy doesn't get it.
So that wasn't because your shirt was itchy, @nimbusthedragon - ? Oh no so awkward. :/
@Kevin_is_a_pirate -
Unfortunately, @caroliiineee - , your friendliness probably works against you :/ perhaps try making it clear up front that you're not looking for a relationship, before guys even ask or get the wrong idea?
You are a wiser pirate, err, man, than I, Kevin
Haha I'm afraid that is partly the lesson here, @JoeytheGenie - .
That's a great example, Darcy, especially if the guy's love language is quality time: he'll totally fall in love by spending that time with you. @Thatslifekid - I've been a little more careful with my time as well after realizing that...
And thank you for your intriguement,
@wildchildofthebluemoon -
That's so funny, I totally missed this entry and just saw the second one. I definitely agree with the smiling observation. My girlfriends add a lot of subtext/coyness to their flirtation in hopes the guys will read between the lines and it tends to get missed. Likewise, we ladies tend to over-analyze and search for deeper meanings in interactions and miss the really obvious stuff (ie. he's really clearly interested vs. not interested at all). Things like smiling at someone seem like too simple of a way to convey interest, that's kind of the irony. I think most guys operate very differently from most of us.
If I knew how to pick up women and read their signs, I would have been laid so many times, I would have no time to be on xanga being sexually frustrated, but of course, you are a christian, so you're dating experience is different. Go to a christian dating site.
Moral of the story: Women are impossible to understand. If you ignore them, they wonder why you're so stupid and can't figure out they want you (even though it never occurred to them to just freaking tell you that). If you try to talk to them then you're a creep who just wants to get in their pants (unless of course they think you're hot, in which case it's game on until you decide they aren't what you want and suddenly you're back to being a creep, but now you're also a selfish prick to boot.)
This is because guys watch too much porn and forget what real life is. Even before we ever watched it, If she was breathing, we would misinterpret that.On a serious note my friend told me alot of her friends got wedding rings to go clubbing, that way guys would not hit on them. I'm still confused by that one.
I usually just sit in the guys lap and wrap my arms around him. That's a pretty straight forward signal that tends to work.
@Ampersands_Anonymous - it does
@DougX831 - thats no way to look at it. your in this to win this arent ya?
thats why girls shouldnt make the move. only guys should
@mrqtran -
For starters, it's an irrefutable reality that many women do this. I'll take an awareness of reality over an foundless attitude any day...and it won't prevent me from finding someone.
What "this" that I'm supposed to be winning are you referring to, exactly?
@DougX831 - y does everyone online always take things the wrong way like did i sound like an asshole or do u like to start shit. Is it confusion or r u acting dumb. This lifeless context. Well whether u understand what I said or u don't. It's not like I'm speaking to u in another language Bro. It was meant to build spirit. With super amounts of passion Bro.
@mrqtran -
You didnt "sound"like anything, because it's written word, lacking intonation which is why ppl misunderstand... Like you seem to have done with my reply. The irony is thick.
I'm not your bro, btw.
@DougX831 - lol to the "sound" part. very clever but as u "play dumb" let me learn u Bro. u in fact "heard" it, inside ur head when u read it.
ok now u just said exactly what i said to you.
now that we both understand that you just explained the same thing i said to you. we both know about the lack of intonation.
my very first comment was to build up high spirits for you.
you retorted back with some bull shit comment because you dont understand english or conversation.
so i made a comment saying you dont understand me. and also blaming intonation. (good word btw stole that shit.)
and i'll say it again. whether you understand or dont i dont give a fuck because i was in fact trying to encourage your ass.
some Bros never learn
@DougX831 - and if u didnt understand that, i'll go back to basics and put it simpler terms. u started it.
@mrqtran -
idea: go fuck yourself. I neither need an "uplift" from you, nor to continue this pointless conversation with someone who seems a little too invested in something that didn't concern them.
K, buh-bye nao
@DougX831 - it was ended far before that comment. a simple sorry woulda been fine Bro.
@mrqtran -
That implies that I'm regretting anything I've said here.
Nope. I'm good.
Any more replies will be ignored, so have fun.
guys calm down please, take it elsewhere. @mrqtran - @DougX831 -
Lol the thought of a guy getting sad and coy mixed up is so amusing to me...
"Sad or sultry... sad or sultry... SULTRY! She totally wants me!!"
This must be my problem! Darn this smile of mine.
Good morning (it's morning here in the Philippines). This is a nice post. It's been a long time since I was here. Nice to read once again your work.
I shared this one on facebook. I have this problem all the time with males. I smile because I'm friendly. Not because I'm showing any sexual interest. I wish males would be able to read me better. It has often caused me to be cold and stiff around males so they won't get the wrong idea. *Sighs*
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