June 25, 2013

  • What's So Bad about Casual Sex?: Paul and the Corinthians, Part II

    As discussed previously (Part I is here), the Corinthians were very open about sex. The brothels and temple prostitutes of Corinth were a huge draw for sailors and tourists to Corinth. Perhaps it's easiest to think of Corinth as Vegas or South Beach. The new Christians in Corinth naturally had to wonder, what was so bad about casual sex anyway? The poet Philemon (via Wikipedia) summed up the argument for legal prostitution as follows. We still see some of these arguments today:

    "[Solon], seeing Athens full of young men, with both an instinctual compulsion, and a habit of straying in an inappropriate direction, bought women and established them in various places, equipped and common to all. The women stand naked that you not be deceived. Look at everything. Maybe you are not feeling well. You have some sort of pain. Why? The door is open. One obol (a unit of currency). Hop in. There is no coyness, no idle talk, nor does she snatch herself away. But straight away, as you wish, in whatever way you wish. You come out. Tell her to go to hell. She is a stranger to you."

    Short version of this post, for those of you in a hurry: Paul argues that sex is much more addicting, controlling, and meaningful than the Corinthians thought, even though it just was sex with a prostitute. His second main argument is that the body is sacred ground, and thus, Christians are indefinitely in church; and would one have sex with a prostitute in church? HEY YOU IN THE COMMENT SECTION, THAT'S RHETORICAL! haha.

    The other arguments for casual sex in Greek society for the Corinthian Christians seemed to be as follows.
    (A) It was legal, and society did not disapprove of it.
    (B) We need food to live, and the body is made for food. Don't we need sex to live, and isn't the body made for sex?
    (C) The body isn't important, it's what is inside that counts. The body is merely a container for the soul and mind, so what does it matter who I have sex with?
    (D) My sexual actions do not in any way affect my relationship with God.

    The passage of I Corinthians 6 can be read here. Further commentaries that I used are ONE, TWO. Bear in mind that Paul is talking to Christians. This is not advice for everyone at all times, but for those who have entered into this particular belief and relationship with God.

    Paul has five main arguments that he uses to disagree with the Corinthians. A few are on the nature of sex, while others are on the nature of our relationship to God. The sex arguments:
    1) Sex overpowers our free will. He says that "All things are lawful to me, but I will not be brought under the power of any." Frank moment here: did you ever think you were the one in charge in a sexual relationship? only to find yourself whimpering and pleading as he/she walked out the door? We tend to think we are just fine, then we realize just what sex junkies we've become.
    2) Sex always bonds two people together. I'm not going to break out photos from health textbooks here, figure it out. Paul bluntly said, "Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh." He's saying, even when you just have a quick fling with a prostitute, you are creating the same type of union as you do when having sex with a spouse. There are no "levels of sex." Sex is sex is sex. Even when kept purely physical, that physical connection creates oneness.
    3) Sex is a sin against self. Paul tells the Corinthians to flee sexual immorality. The only other sin I recall Paul telling us to flee is worshiping idols. What's the connection? My best guess is that any compromise in these areas soon escalates, because our own bodies betray us. Unlike some other areas, Paul doesn't talk about small amounts, or self-control, or fighting: only running away will save you. He then says that sex is a unique sin against one's own body. Why sex, and not, say, drinking or hurting oneself? I think the point is, those other sins are us participating in vice. But sex makes us one with vice, uniquely bonding us with a living person in that, connecting, not just using. I have to admit, I'm not 100% clear on Paul's logic here.

    The relationship with God arguments seem to be as follows:
    4) Our bodies are made for God and belong to him. Our body is also sacred, just as the soul is. Thus, having sex with non-Christians is basically giving what is God's to those who do not believe in him. An argument Paul does not get into is why it is bad for two Christians to have sex outside of marriage if neither is married. After all, aren't both members of Christ? So isn't their sexual bond permissible? Admittedly, a weak point that Paul neglects. But I think his focus is on dealing with the temptation of legal, secular prostitution first.
    5) We are all connected to Christ and are a part of him. This is theologically complex, but in some sense we are all a part of Christ. We not only belong to Christ, we are an extension of Christ, without us being God. Thus, having bodies united with Christ, when the Corinthians had sex with a prostitute, they were essentially forcing Christ into the middle of that transaction. Paul raises the stakes further by saying that the Holy Spirit lives inside us, and that thus we are a temple, we are a church. Remember how you may have felt bad for wearing jeans to church, or going to church looking messy? Paul says, essentially, we are always in church because Christ is always in us, so we ourselves are a church building. Crazy to think about, right?

    Final thoughts: I like a lot of Paul's argument, but there are two areas that I don't think Paul covers properly. What's wrong with two Christians having sex outside of marriage with each other? And what's wrong with sexual activity that doesn't involve bodily connection with another person? More on this later, perhaps.

Comments (13)

  • Many good points, well-explained and well-organized.

  • Really great Points... Mind if I share this on a different social site?

  • Another great exposition; chiving well with your previous entry.

    Your thoughts about two Christians outside of marriage are interesting; my wife and I struggled with this as well - especially as we knew we would be getting married really early on. 
    To me, the issue becomes one of what should be considered/defined as "marriage" - a religious ceremony in the sight of God, or a government-issued piece of paper? Depending on where you fall on that spectrum may define where you stand personally.
    Good post.

  • Go for it, @MommyMarty24 -  :) .

    Good point, @cmdr_keen - . I'm going to try to dive into that in Chapter 7, but Paul does leave that possibility a bit open by the arguments he uses in Chapter 6.

  • When I was a teenager, my parents had me read Joshua Harris' "I Kissed Dating Goodbye."   His argument was that, every time you involve yourself in a romantic relationship, that person claims a part of you.  The deeper you get into the relationship and the more intimate your physical contact, the more of yourself you no longer have to give to the person you'll eventually marry.  I see marriage as an official line saying yes we truly are committed to each other for good.  That commitment happens in the heart presumably some time before the actual marriage, but giving ourselves that space to be sure and then that formal declaration prevents people from just getting serially engaged because the passion is there and hurting people far worse than if they had refrained from one or the other.
    To some extent, I still agree with being careful how much you invest because relationships will always leave their marks on you and affect future relationships.  On the other hand, I think his attitude can generate too great a fear of getting close to people and that feeling that the opposite sex is something alien, to be approached only with great caution.  I think we need to leave our hearts open, to accept that even in friendships, we can get our hearts broken and leave with scars, but that it is worth the risk.  Without close relationships with others, without getting to know them and letting ourselves be known on a vulnerably deep level, how can we ever grow and form the strong alliances that we need to make this life a worthwhile experience?  Going through life untouched by it defeats its purpose.

  • @lanney - Josh wrote a follow up book after he was married and changed his opinion on things and admitted he was too strict on some of the things he wrote in the first book.

  • "What's wrong with two Christians having sex outside of marriage with each other?"

    My thoughts on that:
    The sexual union is the marriage... the two becoming one flesh.  I think this is the thing that is so overlooked.  And should we marry ourselves to more than one person?  Can we become one flesh with more than one person?  I say we can not, because with each bond we create we give a piece of ourselves to that union, and thus each time we engage in such a union we give a little bit less of ourselves... thus we are no longer becoming one flesh, but only a fraction of that, and of what we were meant to be.  We denigrate the gift of sexual union.
    To me there is no such thing as sex outside of marriage.  When we have sex with a person we marry ourselves to that person with our flesh... becoming one.  The sexual union is the marriage and if we go on to have other such unions it can be considered nothing less than adultery.

    I think this is the message that Paul was trying to get across.

  • Even when I was deeper (no pun intended) into Christianity then I now am, I could not see what the problem was for sensible consensual sex in any form between adults who are not committed to other people. By sensible I mean due regard to be taken in regard to the problems of disease and unwanted pregnancy. Sex is a pleasurable natural activity.

  • @musterion99 - That's good.  I wasn't aware of that.

  • For the single believer, one of the biggest temptations is sex, its pleasure, it is pure pleasure, physical pleasure at its highest moment, i can't think of anything else better than sex? oh yes, add a third person; and we are told to not give in to this want that takes over our mind and body?...to wait? simple because it's "wrong"?? This is where our theology sees its true worth, if we tell ourselves not to have sex just because it's wrong, i doubt that will be enough to stop us. A man before a woman that wants him to have her, knowing that she will do everything he ever wanted! because she told him she would...he will tell himself its ok to be wrong for one night, after all she wants him as much as he wants her, whats wrong with that????.... Now... if we understand that this girl is a daughter of God, if we see her as our sister in Christ, if we stop and think about the reasons she presents herself this way? why she does not act as a woman clothed in Christ, why she seeks pleasure? dresses in away that has men lusting over her...when we ask "why?" she is giving herself to you ...no Christian believing man will be able to touch one hand on her; just because she has failed to see herself the way Christ does, does not we dont. When we see her the way Christ does, we will deny our wants, desires, self-pleasures...in our eyes she will stop being 'sexy' at that moment... she might not understand why you said no, she might be upset, scream you out of her life, and you might be remembered as the guy that would not go all the way, or the guy who did but was so filled with regret unlike no other, and the next time you say no. She is so precious before God and we are willing to overlook that because we have no self control? or are we willing to understand and because of the gospel we see her as Christ does? The example given was of a man towards a woman, but it goes both ways; women should see their brothers as Christ does. 

    Because Today's Church has not held Marriage as an important thing, why would it do the same for sex? Youth Pastors tell the kids not to have sex, so the youth will do EVERYTHING but actual intercourse, and they think they are ok, because they are still obeying their pastor. You have people who grew up in church and have never been told what God has to say about who and when they give themselves to. In the world we live in, third date is the respectful 'waiting time' to have sex. Once you discover that in the Christian circles, casual sex is as normal as with non-believers, a question needs to be asked -do people understand the Gospel? what is the church preaching? If they don't understand the Gospel, how can we expect them to understand what God has to say about marriage? about sex?

    One can argue that the church does believe in Marriage, watch how it rises up whenever the same sex marriage is up for vote. You hear politicians talk about the "sanctity of marriage" when divorce has become a common thing, it is not an expected thing. People get married, they will get divorce, and the second time around they will get it right...that's life...right? As divorce is a common thing, so has casual sex become a common thing, its normal, its natural, third date, move in together ect. How do we know the church views marriage as a non important thing? ...Divorce. The number of divorce that happens in the church is huge, and are 'blessed' by the church as people remarry again and again in the church. Have we forgotten that God hates divorce?

    Maybe the real issue is not Casual Sex, the real issue is that our fathers, our spiritual leaders have failed to teach us the importance of marriage,(we have failed to spend time in the word by depending on them to do it for us)  failed to teach us the importance of God knitting two hearts together. If the church family does not even understand the gospel, we can't expect it to understand the attributes of God, and why He would ask us to live the way He asks us.
    That person, that man, that woman, they are a child of God, and they are worth so much more than our instant gratification. Christ died for that soul, by us saying 'no' them that night, it might be the first time they ever hear the gospel.

    take care -stephen

  • LOL. The bible is so funny.

  • Good points in part 1 and 2 Greek!

  • I think one of the problems today is Christians aren't going out and getting into the lives of sexually broken people, and the Church hasn't been encouraging Christians to go out and deal with that kind of brokenness.   Sexually broken people have some incredibly difficult issues to deal with, but I can speak from real experience that Jesus does what he promises: He overcomes sin and it's power to control us.  The main problem with casual sex are the casualties.   We'd like to keep things simple and casual, but then we have those who go completely overboard with it.  Sex might start out as casual, but it so powerfully impacts our bodies that we like how it makes us feel.  Like other mind altering substances, after awhile a little casual sex just isn't gonna do it for you.  You're going to need more, and it's going to have be more exciting, so that casual part goes completely out the window.  The anti is gonna have to be up, so casual sex with one person just isn't gonna get your rocks off anymore.  It may be that you'll need to add a third to your second to spice it up, and get the same high casual sex for two used to be.  It may be that in the future there will be women who get younger and younger, until sex is no longer casual, but kinky, and finally even illegal.   Some guys have gone so far that they need to really throw in some kinky twists and start adding another guy to the mix of their sexapades.   Next thing you know you've left a whole lot of used people behind you, and somewhere along the way you stop caring about the fact those are human beings created by God to love and have relationship with.

    I think Paul had an incredible grasp on the matter of casual of sex, and thankfully he also had the Holy Spirit work in and through him to help those who were casualties of what all started out as casual sex.  I think, for their own good, if not for the good of the casualties themselves, Christians need to get back to reaching out to the sexually broken.   Thinking that sex is ever just casual is a very shortsighted view of things, and there is a whole lot of Hell to pay if one desires to keep such shallow thinking on the matter.   

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