July 1, 2013

• Paul Gone Wild: Permanent Celibacy in an Age of Prostitution?

  The Apostle Paul comes in for a fair amount of condemnation by modern readers. Among other things, he's seen as harsh and anti-woman (search for "Paul Misogynist" and you'll see several articles). His odd stance in I Corinthians 7 about celibacy doesn't help matters. But is there really an acceptable case for celibacy? Mind you, celibacy is not just being single, but abstention from sexual practice of any kind and of looking for a spouse.

  For previous parts of this series on Marriage and Casual Sex, click links.

  Paul's pro-celibacy message comes as a surprise. I can just imagine the gasps in Corinth on reading this letter. Ok, fine, no sex with prostitutes...have sex with your spouse often instead...I guess that could work but...wait, what?

  "I wish that all of you were as I am [single]. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that."

  Paul, how can you want us all to be single and sexless for life? Really, Paul, I'm going to survive in Corinth on Two-for-One Temple Treat Thursday? Paul, have you SEEN those new barbarian prostitutes with the light skin and bright eyes they just brought in from Gaul? And now you say...no sex at all?

  There's another intriguing footnote to this section. Paul expressly says "God did not tell me to say this. This is my opinion." In other words, Paul is pro-celibacy to a fault, and to some extent, this passage isn't even Scripture. In fact, some sources say that for the Jews of that time, "...marriage was a duty, to the extent that a man reaching 20years of age without having been married was considered to have sinned." But, if Paul thinks that much of celibacy, let's see why he has such a bias. Note, though, that he does refer to celibacy as a "gift from God;" in other words, not everyone can achieve it.

  1) Marriage is for sexual wimps. Paul is "that guy" on the corner with the rest of the apostle-bros, deriding you for getting married. So needy! I'm only partly joking. He expressly says "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." Remember when I called marriage a sexual fortress? Armies only need fortresses when the other army they are fighting against is stronger. Else the first army would come out of their fortress and defeat the other army. Getting married, among other things, is a confession that you can no longer abstain from sex with someone.

  2) Marriage is not a source of holiness. Paul does tell those Corinthians who were married when they became Christians to stay married. But he also says "Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them." In other words, a single person should not believe that, say, marrying and having a family will make them a better Christian.

  3) Marriage is a liability in terms of time and energy. Several times Paul refers to a crisis in Corinth: "present distress" in verse 26, and "time being short" in verse 29. Paul is leading up to an argument that the responsibilities and cares of marriage must be seriously considered. More precisely:

  3a) Marriage creates additional troubles. Paul balances out his advice when he said to remain in your previous situation. Sure, you can get married; if you must, go ahead, look for a wife. But he says "But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." If you are married, and your spouse is having a bad day, you are having a bad day. If you are married, now you might have children, the ultimate source of lost time and energy. Marriage is not to be undertaken casually. In fact:

  3b) Marriage creates a continual obligation to your spouse. Forgive me, but I find this passage oddly romantic, even though Paul is trying to be as practical as possible:

  ^"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife, and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."

  Paul is saying, if you plan on getting married, your spouse is almost like a god to you. Again, note the duality: Paul is saying, for both husband and wife, your lives should indeed be spent being concerned about pleasing each other. You will and should spend your time trying to think about what you can get or do or say to please your spouse. You'll have less time to think about God. God honors marriage, and allows this. But Paul, being a practical man, is thinking of all the lost opportunities to serve and pray and help because you are married.

  My own two reasons, based on some of Paul's ideas, as to why permanent celibacy may be good are as follows:
  4.) Singles can be more service-minded. At times, I'm honestly a bit upset at my married friends. I see married friends disappear from charities, from public life. They no longer have time for old friends, or people in need. This is saddening. Paul is perhaps at his strongest here. Given the burden put on Christians to serve the weak, to witness to all men about God, and to be in public life, is marriage not a step backward? The married then move out of the city because it's "not safe enough for kids" and hide out in suburban homes, venturing out once a week for pizza and a movie. Is this really God's purpose being fulfilled?

  5.) The time is short. This is more my take on why celibacy is good, and not Paul's. He explains that since the time is short, we should be as free as possible: those with wives, in despair, in happiness, in business...whatever you're into, don't let it hold you down (verses 29-31). And seeking a wife or husband takes a lot of time, time that we don't necessarily have. Think of all those first dates...all those hours of instant messenger or texting...all that money spent on gifts, tickets, and dinners. A better writer than I once detailed his single years. Every month, he'd meet an interesting woman: and every month, he'd spent time, money, and energy getting to know her, just in case she could be the one. He bewailed this effort, as do I. And think, my friend, of the emotional cost of searching; the blow to your heart, to your self-esteem, to your trust in and love for humanity when things go wrong. A bad dating experience can set one back for months and years. To me, this indeed is a worthy argument for celibacy. But overall, I'm not convinced that permanent celibacy is possible for most of us. Thoughts?

  • 9:24 pm
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