So men, how do you relate to female friends who have entered into a relationship? In some ways, I would joke that all choices are wrong. Consider the two main choices:

The Abandonment Model: As soon as she gets into a relationship, you two ignore each other. So thus the two of you never really had a real friendship at all. It was just based on the possibility that you could date each other. As soon as her relationship falls apart, you two will be friends again.

The Extras Model: You two talk to each other, but it's now affected by the rhythms of her relationship. Are things great with Roberto? Well then she disappears for a while. But if she's texting you, you can pretty much assume that Roberto is doing something wrong, in which case you're probably being used to provide her with the masculine benefits that Roberto lacks. So now you're...the friend mistress? or masteress? or whatever the technical term would be. Lovers without sexual benefits, as I was discussing with everyone's favorite fire-breather earlier today.

Neither of these seem proper. But to be honest...maybe the abandonment model is best. I was laughing a little at a friend of mine who did indeed use the abandonment model when she was dating a guy. "Oh, she messaged me on FB...bet she just broke up...yep." But perhaps she was wise, to make sure there would be no options or competitions to ruin a good relationship or complicate a bad one. Thoughts?

Was talking with a friend from Greece, and we got into a discussion about arguing. I still find it a shame that most arguments in America are seen as bad. Good arguments build closeness and defuse tension in the relationship. Read below:

• Me: 

• My best friend, I met when I was 11

• but we argued a lot until I was about 16, haha

• Greekgirl:

• it is not a bad thing to argue.. I am sure you know that!!

• Me:

  I'm Greek! I love it

  but so many Americans don't appreciate it
• Greekgirl:

  they don't get the point...

  it is a way of having a conversation

  and watch the reaction of the other, a way of knowing him better
• Me:

  Yes! so many questions go unanswered without fighting

  haha I mean, "discussing"

  one must bring things up, one must challenge
• Greekgirl:

  ahaaaaaa
• Me:

  you need to talk to my American friends and educate them

To gain a taste for the experience, go into a vacant old house, taking no notice of the address. Bang your head against a window in that house. After the first few impacts, note the pain and anguish in your body. Note how the window most likely will show no obvious sign of your impact. You may now walk away, believing that you have made no impact, nursing your headache as you stumble along the sidewalk. You have no way of finding the house again. As soon as you leave the room, cracks will spread along the surface, and the window will shatter. The pieces will fall to the floor soundlessly, because you are not there to hear it. 

The last "Amen" is spoken, and the church begins to empty into the foyer, or fellowship hall, or "place for awkward meanderings." But inside my head, I can hear the clock turn on, hear the ticking sounds of the countdown, telling me that I only have so much energy and social capital to spend before the clock will strike zero...

What is it like for introverts? I can't claim to speak for us all. But I find that being with large numbers of people, especially strangers, in ambiguous settings quickly tires me out. I can't appreciate large parties, festivals, weddings, networking events, or social gatherings. It's as if I have social chronic fatigue syndrome. I'm allergic to people, ha, overwhelmed and overstimulated by my surroundings, needing to focus or withdraw in order to function.

In environments where there are few people or there are determined reasons why we are there (a game, a classroom, etc.), my introvert self excels. Limit the stimuli and/or randomness, and my mind will find its way to resolution and do what needs to be done. But turn up the stimuli, and my body screams retreat. I lasted about 5 minutes after the last Amen before heading to the parking lot, the loud ring of the introvert clock drowning all else out...

Who are the Beguines? I consider myself fairly well read on church matters and traditions, and I had never heard of them until I read The Economist this week. They are a religious order for women, beautifully constructed to fill in gaps in Christian tradition. Here's why I am so sad they are gone:
1) The order was created by women, for women, and governed by women. Honestly...the older I get, the more I think that Christian men need to get out of the business of ministering, counseling, or administering Christian women. There are too many issues that arise. I still have traditional views on Christian roles and leadership, for the most part, but I also believe that the true Biblical model is for older women to teach younger women. The best part was that this movement occurred in the early 13th century, much ahead of its time.
2) The order was a step below being a nun, and that's a good thing. Few women can satisfy the requirements of most nunneries for a lifetime vow of service and celibacy. But many younger women could take such vows temporarily, working with their hands to support themselves and then voluntarily leaving when they wished to marry or felt called to something different. The church needs temporary workers and laypeople so badly, and yet the church locks itself into this permanent model that hurts the church. The Beguines perfectly hit that sweet spot between full-time lifelong service and dedicated working Christian.
3) The order was famous for taking in "spare" women who came to the big cities in the 1200's to find work. Often such women, poor already, end up on the streets or in the sex trade, trapped in unhappy, dangerous lives by poverty. And no, this doesn't just happen to those wanting to be actresses in Hollywood. I recall a bitter little tale by O. Henry about the pretty girl who moves to the city and has job opportunity after job opportunity lost in tragicomic fashion...until the final twist, when the job she does find ends up being an escort, more or less. Chances are better than you think that one of your friends has ended up temporarily in the sex trade to make ends meet after moving. I can think of three Xangans off the top of my head as I write. Being that the church has as part of its calling reaching out to the least of these, providing work for such unfortunates is a beautiful thing.
Sadly, as with many good works of charity, the Beguines time is over. The last one has passed away. But take a moment with me to be thankful that work existed, and to be thankful for creative Christians willing to think of new ways to serve. Sadly, many of the Beguines were persecuted and misunderstood in their times. But I'm sure the Lord saw their work and noted its value.

Dear Xanga,

@QuantumStorm has revealed that he is debating on shutting down his Xanga. I thought of not telling my side of the story. But today, Confessions and Secrets posted their confession blog. Seeing so many Xangans admit their own secrets emboldened me to tell the truth. I am the reason Quant is leaving Xanga. It was either me or Xanga, and he has chosen me. I tried to share him with you, but my love for him was a consuming jealousy that burned within my body.

I know many of Quant's religious friends must be shocked. Love should be between a man and a woman! Our very relationship is an abomination to God and society, and they would mock us if they knew. I don't even know what to call our relationship, really. Courtship? Dating? Random play? What was a mere transaction became sheer poetry. I loved how he showed me off on Xangacafe. The way he whispered to me while directing me put me on high alert. The man's more than mere mustache. I leap to obey his every command. He is my driver, and he drives me crazy. I want the whole world to know, I LOVE THIS MAN!

Signed,

  Your Proteus-class strategic cruiser.

EDIT: In hilariously ironic news, QuantumStorm liked this post but told me he had sold this ship recently. Player!

"Google that" your friend tells you. He's not being rude, really. He just knows that your question can be better answered by more informed people than himself, or he can't fully explain it himself. So you google this and google that, and you learn, and life goes on...

...but what happens when you have a problem? In the past, you'd call mom to ask if those beans were still good on Day 3 (Eat them! Don't waste food! Finger-wag!), or you'd shyly ask your friend at lunch about whether you should be worried about that odd mole on your arm (Probably cancer, bro. Can I have your car if you die?). And Google would still say, "I know better", I have nutritionists and doctors and all sorts of experts, trust me! And Google is right...

...but no, let's talk about that other problem. What you did last summer, what he did last week. That embarrassing, scandalous, guilt-inducing problem. In the past, you'd have finally choked out your secret to your dear friend, and it would have been awkward, but you would have (hopefully) heard a dear friend's encouragement. You'd have felt the touch of another, heard hope in their voice. But now, we can hide our true problems from each other, if we want...never truly share the dark times, just cobble together solutions from Yahoo Answers and random forums filled with the cries of the similarly pained. And aha, you get my point, tell a real person, right, but...

..."Google that", your friend says, cutting you off, as you try to tell him that secret. He's not being rude, he just doesn't have to deal with your problems anymore. Google will do that. Just come back when you're all better, that's a good friend, maybe find a listening ear with "Google Therapizer" (they don't have it yet, they will). Then let's have a conversation about how shallow people have become, while the irony coats our ears, or would if we didn't have to look up irony to know what it means...

So to go with yesterday's bland post, time to talk about my day so far. If I don't bore you I'm doing it wrong.

I have an odd schedule, so I technically did not have to be anywhere until 1 today. I found myself gravitating towards my computer. Signed onto Skype, because I have some Euro friends who are only on Skype early in the day. Turns out S was on. She told me about OMGPop, a game site, which I promptly tried to forget about. As if I need more distractions! She wanted to cam and after some light whining on my part (waah just woke up waah), which she countered with similar "but I look more hideous!" comments, I acquiesced. First time we had talked on cam, it went pretty well. I was pleased, we chatted about her trip to Europe to see her boyfriend and some other matters. I high-fived myself on the interaction, which is just as awkward as it sounds, and rushed to the shower to get ready for my 1PM meeting.

At the bank, I had to decide what funds to invest in. I've only done IRA's and retirement plans before. I deliberately said no to the first fund he suggested, partly out of habit. I found myself studying him during our interaction, making note of how he remembered different facts and handled the interaction. Overall, he had good skills, and managed to wear a pink tie to work, which paradoxically made me feel his recommendation of high-risk/high-reward funds could be trusted. I put HAHA NO NOT TELLING dollars in the fund investing in dividend stocks and NOPE in Latin America stocks. I expect a stern call from Brother 1 after this post telling me how I should have invested in other funds. Oops.

Of course, my gabfest with S meant that I had forgotten some important things. I was late to my appointment with my physical trainer, which was upsetting because she's quite pleasant. We re-scheduled for 6:45 tonight. I'm mulling bringing an "I'm sorry" gift but am also realizing that seems patronizing. Hmm. I wanted to go get coffee with R at work but he's nowhere to be found now. So I got iced tea by myself, grumbling a bit. I tend to be the overly friendly guy at work sometimes because I find the social contact re-energizes me. (And yet, I'm an introvert. I AM WEIRD.) Right now I'm scowling at my computer because I fell for a "Two weeks free!" dating site offer. I haven't done anything dating-site related in eons, and it appears I'm falling for it again. I'm being asked questions about myself and realizing I know much less about myself than I know about any of you. Clearly I need to read my own blogs to find out about myself. I'm joking...mostly.

Now I'm sending back a snarky reply to L. L is reading this right now and wondering "WHERE IS MY RETURN TEXT" and so here it is, L. And since no one else is still reading, I'll stop here. Wow, an actual day on my blog...yeah, that was just as boring as I thought.

UPDATE: I wore this sweatervest and dress shirt again today, but this time without the tie. Maybe I should have not worn the sweatervest today. I think I'll worry about this for the next 20 minutes.

It's been years, but I'm remembering the first time I read the Xanga of someone struggling with eating and body image. I was shocked, not knowing anything about such things before that, but I was also intrigued. I think there's a natural tendency to want to know more about whatever it is that is causing so much turmoil and angst. Also, I may or may not be the most curious, nosy person on earth, and if someone else is, I want to find out more about them. Heh.

But after so many years on the Web, I have another request. Bore me, please. I feel like lately, I've heard so many crazy stories, read so many crazy blogs, that I long for normalcy. I can understand that sometimes bad things happen to us and we need to write about them. And I can understand that Xanga has helped a lot of you recover from addictions and struggles because you realize you are not alone.

But sometimes, I just want to see photos of your pets and hear funny stories about your coworker. Bore me with half-interested musings about the guy in class that you sort of like. Tell me about the silly thing your kid did this morning, or how you were obsessed with some silly movie or show when you were fifteen. I don't read your blog just for breathless updates about your crazy love life. Well, except for you, wink wink, but you get what I'm saying. Right? Normalcy can be lovely. Think about it.