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  • Cool and Christian? The search for the flying unicorn

    Teens in the American Christian subculture often find themselves looking for ways to be Cool and Christian at the same time. There are many books, magazines, conferences, and events aimed at Christian teens (and pitifully few aimed at Christian 20-somethings, which is a good topic for another post). The models wear more clothes, the singers don't swear, but in many ways the Christian cool kids are generically interchangeable with their secular cool counterparts.

    However, I think it becomes impossible to maintain long-term coolness and Christianity. It's possible to avoid the hot-button topics, but there are just so many of them. And even if a Christian comes across as non-judgmental, their reluctance to do certain things limit how cool they can become. It's not enough to not judge him/her: you also have to support him/her, and do the same things as him/her.

    Finally, the question is, what is it worth to be cool and Christian? Are cool people that influential? Will people truly like Christians more if a handsome gold medalist or creative singer happens to be Christian? Sadly, perhaps the American Christian subculture has been chasing a flying unicorn. Even when Christians achieve coolness in mainstream eyes, it's not for long. There are just too many differences between subculture and established culture. Perhaps it's time that the American Christian subculture stops selling the "Cool and Christian" package and instead adopts the more realistic "Cool or Christian" package.

  • Sunday Devotional: Wait and Pray vs. Christian Superhero

    "There we were, me and the noted atheist professor Doctor Snootypants at the Grand Canyon. I could see his atheist heart weakening as he admired the beauty. Just then an eagle flew over our heads. I seized the opportunity and said "Doctor, if that bird were a pterodactyl and it snatched you up and threw you into the Grand Canyon, are you ready to die?" Well that right there was enough, and he fell to his knees and was converted. He now preaches at a small church in Omaha."

    Ah, the Christian Superhero forwarded message, where we average Christians feel like we too should be doing more great things. Events are glamorous. Events are easy to tell, and quick to happen. Events help us feel like we are doing the Lord's work. But often, by wanting to do an amazing event, we fail the Lord. More likely, that story ends with "You idiot, this isn't the Jurassic Era" and the professor stomps off to his car. Right?

    Yes, Christians may want friends to become Christians, give up a bad habit, return to their husbands, etc. And we should put forth an honest effort. But many problems in life can only be solved by waiting and praying. The amazing event might come after a lot of prayer. Or the change we hope to see may be the accumulation of many small acts of faith and hope. But letting Christian Superhero legends become our preferred manner of doing the Lord's work is perhaps a way of forgetting that He, not me, is the one who produces the results.

  • Enough Time to Grieve

    Open question for you tonight: What is enough time to grieve? We'll leave death out of this. I'm talking more about grieving the loss of a friend, the loss of a career, a breakup, you name it. Is it ever truly fair to tell someone to "Get over it?" And what if you desperately want to "Get over it" but can't? Looking forward to your answers below.

  • Sunday Devotional: Don't Let Experts Steal Your Joy

    She meant well, really she did. I would post on some Bible passage I liked, back in my older Xanga days. And she'd always improve on the post somehow. It was easy for her, she studied theology, and she was bursting with knowledge. I was merely a Bible amateur: a good one, mind you, with a lot of knowledge of the Bible itself, but not a professional. Of course I didn't fully understand the cultural context of that passage, and of course she was happy to provide it.

    But over time, her knowledge started stealing all my joy in posting. No matter what I said, no matter how thorough, she'd point out something else. I believe her motives were pure (although, there are some reasons to believe the motives were rather mixed). But in the end, I behaved much like a 7-year-old who has lost one too many playground games: I took back my ball and went home. I haven't posted much directly Biblical stuff in years. Perhaps not coincidentally (shudder) I've not read my Bible very much in the last few years, either...

    I learned good lessons from her. I try not to correct the passionate guesses of amateurs as much anymore. That first joy is precious, that smile of the beginner and intermediate learner. My Xanga comments are perhaps much kinder than they were in the old days, although I sometimes wonder if that is always for the best.

    But I should have instead learned great lessons from her. It shouldn't bother me to know that others can do it better, as long as I am not doing it wrong, and my writing comes from a good place. There's a beautiful verse where Paul says "For if there first be a willing mind, it [one's gift] is accepted according to what a man has, and not according to what he has not." Those of us who are perfectionists must come to terms with knowing that often, what we have to offer is imperfect...but we should offer it anyway, to our friends, lovers, and God, and not spit on our own sacrifice after we present it.

  • The Greek Is IN: When a Friend Pulls Back

    I'm a big fan of the Peanuts comic strips where Lucy plays the cold-hearted psychologist available for just 5 cents to listen to Charlie Brown complain, then insult him. So The Greek is IN to answer all your concerns and issues.

    Today's question: What do I do when a friend pulls back from me? No text responses, no phone calls...help me, Greek!

    My dear friend, I advise the following steps, all of which have been attempted by professionals:
    Wild accusations: Clearly, your friend is worried that the passion is gone from your friendship. So you need to show how passionate you are. Accuse them of all sorts of horrid things, call them betrayer, weep, wail, tell them how lonely you are. Guilt them back into a sense of duty! Because the best friendships are forged in the fires of knee-jerk obligation.
    Preemptive bridge-burning: Are they slowly cutting you out of their lives? Feeling a bit excluded? No need to die by paper-cut when you can incinerate all past connections in one step! Beat them to the punch and knock them out by burning their ships before they can retreat. In unrelated news, anyone know first aid for fractured metaphors caused by jamming them together?
    Sentimental appeals: Dig out those photos of you two in middle school and post one a day, tagging him, until you get his attention. Gush in a page-long note about what a great friendship you two have. If you create enough sentimentality, it warps the fabric of reality itself and makes you friends again. Or so I learned via that one teen sitcom in the afternoons a decade or two ago.
    It's ok if you don't leave a comment, I know my advice is hard to improve on. Feel free to send more questions for next week's post to email.

  • Don't Get Mantized! Men, Beware These Ten Internet Sex Scams (Rated C)

    So Manti Te'o, the second best player in college football, apparently was deceived into thinking his online girlfriend had died. Saddest part is, she probably never existed, and was a fake. Why? How? It's not quite clear, but I decided to do two posts to alert you all to every Internet love/sex scam I'm aware of. Some of these are a bit explicit: reader beware.
    Before you read, one comment. Most of you will think that "Oh, I would never fall for these!" But that's the trap that makes it all possible. You may think, for example, "Of course she's real! I talked to her on the phone!"...but those aren't her pictures, or she's underage. There's a Russian Doll effect: just because you think you spotted the doll in the room, doesn't mean there's not more underneath.
    Some Internet sex scams I've seen to target men:
    1) The Spam Scam
    Target: Anyone
    Setup: You get an email from what sounds like a pretty girl who wants you to write her back, or visit her web-site. It may even be rather personalized. "Hello there Greek, you seem like nice man. I am humble beautiful girl. Write me!" The more elaborate ones steal real ads from various dating sites and repost them on new dating sites, thus it sounds authentic.
    Goal: All they need is your email to add it to spam lists as a verified email, or try to get money from you.
    2) The Hot Slut Scam
    Target: Younger, hormone-crazed men
    Setup: Create a social networking profile of a hot woman, use it as a trap to get naked photos/videos from men. "You get naked first." Since the woman is hotter than the man, he feels he has to comply, and his greed dooms him. And if the theft occurs from a private facebook account, you can't tell the photos are fake.
    Goal: Free amateur porn from the gullible.
    3) The Fake Girlfriend Scam
    Target: Lonely men
    Setup: Using fake photos, form a relationship with a man, similar to what happened to Manti Te'o, perhaps."You're so awesome and amazing and I can't believe you're single, you big man you." A longer version of 2), in which the woman doesn't seem to want money or sex right away, can be quite the scam.
    Goal: Sometimes a less attractive woman will take on persona of hot woman to see what it feels like. Other times this just occurs to win the man's trust and use that trust for sex or money. Which leads to some uglier schemes (You may want to stop reading here).
    4) The Financial Dominatrix Scam
    Target: Submissive men
    Setup: Woman cons man into buying things for her as a sexual fetish. Alternatively cajoles and commands him to buy things to remain in her good graces, once he's become addicted to her presence. "You won't like Donna when she's angry. Donna needs a new pair of Manolo's."
    Goal: Leave the man penniless.
    5) The Blackmail Scam
    Target: Men of reputation
    Setup: Obtain embarrassing details or indecent photos from the man, threaten to reveal details to his family and friends. Social networks have unfortunately made this much easier. "Bet you wouldn't like your wife to see this screen-capture from our Skype video."
    Goal: Power and humiliation
    6) The Underage Scam
    Target: Over-18 men.
    Setup: Underage girl lies about her age in attempt to lure older man into having relationship with her. Given right lighting and lies, more likely to pull off than one would think. "Yes, I'm in hs...I mean, HSU. Honey State University. I swear."
    Goal: Self-esteem boost, rush of having done something illegal.
    7) The Poor Girl Webcam/Mail-Order-Bride Scam
    Target: Rich men
    Setup: Woman lives in poor country (Philippines, Romania are two countries notorious for this). Knows English,wins man's trust and love, then begins asking him for money to pay student bills, visa, etc. "Just another $300 and I can buy the ticket to see you/make rent/pay for school books."
    Goal: Money, which gets paid to her handlers, who rent her the small room as part of a webcam studio house.
    8) The Taken Scam
    Target:
    Opposite-of-husband men
    Setup: Woman presents herself as single or divorced from her husband.
    Goal: Extra excitement on the side to entertain the woman from her currently boring boyfriend or husband. Tends to fall apart when man actually wants to meet in person.
    9) The Special Girl Scam
    Target: Romantic men
    Setup: This one is cruelest in some ways because it is done by someone who knows the victim. A female profile is created based on his weak point (e.g., a model in LA, a painter in New York, missionary to Russia etc). To conceal the fake, this super important job has privacy considerations. "Sorry, my Internet isn't strong enough to Skype. I'm not sure if I trust you yet to chat with you on cam, and I'm shy. Six more months of chatting?"
    Goal: Entertainment
    10) The Dying Drama Girl Scam
    Target: Emotional men
    Setup: The woman is constantly going through life-death crisis, and only you can help her. She needs your attention, and how dare you eat, breath, sleep, or do anything except spend 6 hours a day with her on instant messenger.
    Goal: Attention, also Munchausen Syndrome.
    Any other scams men should be aware of? Honestly, I think it's harder to detect fakes than you think. But here are some suggested cures:
    1) Tineye.com, and check photos for EXIF data.
    2) IP tracking of emails to verify information
    3) Push to be full friends on all social networks if you truly are serious about her.
    4) Be suspicious if all her photos don't match or  if she is much prettier than the usual woman who takes an interest in you.
    5) Insist on video/phone conversations once a reasonable amount of time has passed. If she is shy, at least have her take a photo holding a paper with something specific written on it. But beware, this too can be faked.
    6) Be very wary of unexplained disappearances, account shutdowns, unable to meet you, etc.
    7)  Give up. Yes, it's hard to walk away from a prospective girlfriend just because she won't Skype with you. But you may have to.

  • I will fall for a woman who will...

    Via Annie. Here's my off-the-cuff version of this:

    ....is even more lovely when she does not know I am watching than when she does know.

    ...not be afraid to confront me, but will always be on my side.

    ...shows me her scars, but is not obsessed with them.

    ....enjoys reading and contemplation, and can teach and share what she's felt by doing so.

    ....knows how I break and how I am built up, but uses it for our mutual benefit.

    ....is able to switch from serious to silly at a moment's notice, knowing that play is work and work is play.

    ....has made peace with her flaws on a day-to-day basis, but has not surrendered to them for life.

    ....knows how to give love, but is able to properly receive and accept it.

    ....considers our arguments as the price paid to make progress and not as a threat.

    ....gains the respect and admiration of all whom we meet together, and yet my trust in her ever increases.

    ....sacrifices for others and for the future, but knows when to move on and quit.

    ....loves those weaker than herself, and does not rush to worship those stronger than herself.

  • Empowering the Powerless...One Gun at a Time?

    When I lived in the inner city, I decided I needed protection. My first day there, I watched two thieves steal a tire in broad daylight from underneath an SUV. So I decided to acquire a weapon...a baseball bat. I believe the only thing I actually used it on was a mirror. (If you're going to have seven years of bad luck, earn it, I say!).
    But if I were instead a 5'2" woman, moving into the inner city to go to college...would I have bought a baseball bat? With my height and reach disadvantage, such a weapon could be easily used against me. And being so powerless (pause here for the inevitable "BUT I AM A 5'2" JUDO CHAMPION" comments, yawn), I would need a little extra power...as in firepower.

    (Photo courtesy of a friend who wishes to remain nameless).
    In all the arguments I've heard about guns, this is the awkward point on both sides. Without projectile-firing weapons, much of our social confrontations are settled by a "Might makes right" equation. The muscular push around the weak: go to a junior high, put your back against the wall, and watch. What options do the powerless have?
    But a gun changes everything. On the one hand, women living on their own feel safer owning a gun. It gives them courage and peace in much the same way having a strong husband would. To discount this in the rush to gun control would be shortsighted. Yes, mace and tasers can do similar things, but in the end, we're still talking about "firing" a weapon. The concept is similar.
    But on the other hand...in high school English, I deliberately trolled the teacher a little by talking about putting myself in the shoes of school shooters. I had been bullied before in my life. Who could blame a powerless student for trying to equalize the odds when teachers and police fail to intervene against bullies? Bringing a gun changes the equation, right? Gives the powerless a little more power? When I was young, I did indeed try to equalize the power equation by grabbing a gun from an older kid...and shot myself in the process. Irony, etc.
    To me, this is the heart of gun debates. To those who want less guns, how will you defend the powerless? To those who want more guns, how will you defend yourself from the formerly powerless? Neither offer good answers, and so the debate continues.

  • A Hypothetical Conversation

    "There they goes again. So obsessed with pleasing people!"
    "I know! Who is Alex running after this time?"
    "Some random that they met online on a website. They talk about it all the time."
    "HA! Which website is it this time? Please don't tell me it's POF. Can you say FREAKKKK"
    "Haha I think it's worse! Alex won't say, it must be embarrassing. Let's just say I think Alex is shopping for a Christmas gift."
    "ALREADY?! Alex is texting all the time, obsessed."
    "Alex staying up late, at the beck and call of so many."
    "You want someone easy to help you out just for the night? Dial A-L-E-X-N-O-W!"
    "You have to wonder, how can Alex be so unaware? Like, look in the mirror sometime!"
    "So many walks of shame. So many. I saw Alex wearing the same outfit to Physics class today from yesterday."
    "Just can't stop giving it up. All it takes is one text when Alex is feeling needy."
    "I talked to Chris the other day. He avoids Alex, it creeps him out."
    "You think Alex will ever grow out of it? Ever settle down with just one, be happily married?"
    "Once you start whoring it out like that, you can't stop. I'm afraid Alex will.... never change. Always giving it up, never getting enough back."
    "Sad."

  • The U-18 (under 18 years old) Political Party

    Lately, I've been thinking about how many political issues don't get emphasized because the people who care about them can't vote. Children (those 17 and under) have some perspectives that never make it into the national debate, and that's a pity. Here's what the U-18 (those under 17) would demand if they had their own political party: these are my best guesses.

    Foster care and runaway reform: How many photos on Facebook have you seen on animals that need to be adopted? How many less photos have you seen of children who need to be adopted? And those under 18 who end up on the street, often dumped there by parents, have few options. The U-18 political party would make sure that real solutions are found to these pressing problems via tax incentives to adopt and free housing for those deserted and dumped by their parents. And don't even get us started about the criminal training ground that is juvenile hall.

    K-8 Education: We pay the people responsible for giving our children early training very little. And yet, if a child gets off to a bad start in K-8 education, how do they catch up? My U-18 party will pay K-8 teachers at least $50,000 a year and attract the best and brightest to teach our children.

    Abortions: My U-18 political party realizes that millions of our people are never given the chance to vote. And if some of our members do get pregnant, they have few options in terms of free day care, counseling, and other options. Some of our older members may be pro-abortion, but overall it makes sense that babies want to protect other babies.

    Divorce: Adults don't want to talk about potential effects on the children of either of these options. My U-18 political party would do its very best to protect the children involved in these relationships. It's a complex issue, and the children recognize that sometimes a malicious, angry parent should go. But we firmly stand against rushed divorces, deadbeat dads and moms, and poor planning of who takes care of the children of divorce. Adults are pro-divorce because it maximizes their options, but many divorces minimize the options of a child.

    Gay Marriage: My children want to be in a loving, safe home that prepares them for the future. And so the U-18 party would weigh the greater stability that marriage provides children versus the concerns that a child raised with parents of only one gender will not receive a balanced understanding of gender as a whole.

    Ideological and Creative freedom: My U-18 party would push for children to be allowed to decorate themselves, express themselves, and hold beliefs as they see fit. While understanding that parents are permitted certain veto rights in exchange for the services they provide, my U-18 party will push for children to be given as full rights as possible, without fear of parental retribution.

    Punishment without abuse: My U-18 party will demand that children be given every opportunity to report abuse by parents to educational and governmental officials. Any declaration of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse must be immediately investigated. Yet my U-18 party also fights for the right of a child to report such abuse without fear that the child will be forever separated from their parents. We want reformed parents, not replaced parents.

    Sexual/economic exploitation of children: My U-18 party advocates the banning of advertising unhealthy, oversexualized products to children that hurt their development. We also insist that those who traffic in child exploitation of any kind be vigorously investigated and arrested by law enforcement. No longer will the plaintive complaints of a child be ignored by local police who claim they have to go after real criminals.