Ah, the crazy dating story: your best friend tells you about how she liked so-and-so, but then found out "He has a wife! and he's 42, not 32! and he was wearing shoes that made him 2 inches taller than he was!" Those stories are sad, but tragicomic (as long as he/she caught the liar quickly). But I have to admit, usually I think "Oh, that's awkward, but that would never happen to me. I'm too boring/average/whatever for that."

However, the other day I got in a mini-debate with everyone's favorite Datingish guru, @QuantumStorm. He claimed that women he knew were pretending to act more Christian than normal on Facebook in order to land a husband. I instantly had this mental picture of women posing with Bibles for profile photos and/or writing God poetry on their blogs, and couldn't help but laugh. "Really, Quant? That's a thing? I suppose I could see, say, a girl pretending to like Jesus when she met Tim Tebow. But here in the real world, that's just not happening, right? Totally unrealistic!"

Side note: I am an avid blog reader because I want to understand people better. So when someone says something that I have never experienced myself, I may tease them or challenge them, but I make a note of it and try to look for it in my world. That's also why some of my posts are about my mistakes and lessons learned. I feel that because you all teach me, I also need to tell you when I learn something so it can help you. So now you know that.

So I started thinking if I knew any examples of that...and suddenly realized, Quant was right. I think enough time has passed for me to tell the D story. (If you recognize who I'm talking about, don't say so in comments. She's long gone from here, but still...). D loved all my Christian blogs. She was extremely gifted in giving compliments and praise. Five minutes with D would make any man feel bigger and bolder. We became quite close: talked on the phone, etc. However, it turned out that D was a fraud. Lots of lying...and we'll leave it at that. I don't want to take any revenge on D by saying more.

After I picked myself off the floor, saddened and shocked that my gracious friend lied about so much, I realized partly why it happened. I did not think I was worth lying to. Does that make sense? D didn't seem to be after money or sex or anything obvious, so I had my guard down. People lie to the cheerleader or quarterback, if you will, not to us normal types. I would have been better off if I had thought I was hot stuff, and been more cynical. (Still, though, since when are Christian groupies a thing? Pastor fetishes, anyone? ha). I'm afraid D scarred me a little. Honestly...it's hard to write a fully Christian blog on here without wincing and thinking about how D would have reacted to it. Any woman who offers me unreserved praise or seems to be way too eager to bond with me now puts me on alert. And so here's my mini-apology to those of you whose relationship with me has been affected by that.

Looking back, ever since my Quant conversation, I realized several ladies have exaggerated their Christian commitment to me. As you can guess, the irony of lying about one's religious commitment is infuriating. (And this is why I appreciate my non-Christian friends quite a bit at times, who don't fake their faith commitments). But it also taught me a good lesson. No matter how unremarkable you think you are, someone desires you enough to lie to you. Some of the lying is rather innocent (I'm aware that you are just humoring me by watching this sports game with me), but unfortunately, some of the lying is much more serious. So to my fellow dating singles out there, watch your backs: you're hot stuff, and someone will want you enough to deceive you.

How many of you have made a list of characteristics for the person you want to marry? For some of us, those lists are rather silly. But for others, this list gets quite serious at the top. That's where we have a must-have that we don't feel we can negotiate very easily:
"Must be Chinese...or my mother will freak out."
"Must also be Muslim...or I don't feel I could marry and have children with this person."
"Must also be really, really ridiculously good-looking, just like me."
Ok, MAYBE not the third one. But you get the idea: people who want to date someone of the same religion or ethnicity face a strict challenge. When you go date someone who really is Chinese, or Muslim, just like you, you want it to work. They check the box that is the most difficult to check. And yet...

Let's be honest, ok? Some Christians are bland and uninteresting, and some Greeks are annoying and confrontational. I find myself at times asking myself "Do I really like this woman, or am I just dating her because she's a Christian?" So, I offer you a test so filled with common sense that you'll think I didn't come up with it myself:

"Suppose he/she was NOT Chinese or Muslim. Would I deeply wish, pray, and beg that they were?"

Because that's the real test right there. If you don't have those feelings that you would want the person even if they didn't have the demographic or belief advantage, then you may be wasting your time. There's nothing wrong with wanting to marry someone who shares your culture. But if they can't pass that test, you're making a mistake. Thoughts? Are you in this situation of trying to date someone who matches you and thus having limited options?

Since summer, I've decided to not date. Yes, I've been turning away HORDES of lady friends, all desperately asking me to merely get coffee or just spend a sliver of time with them in a semi-romantic context! Not quite, ha, but I have been pleasantly ignoring most signals. Why? Long story, a bit too personal, but basically, I realized I was experimenting too much and not just limiting myself to what I truly wanted.

So I haven't dated, and it's been rather refreshing overall. I'm sure the local coffee shop workers are pleased not to see me lingering around the door waiting to see if LovelyLady2343 looks like her profile pic on Match. And the abrupt decline in awkward conversations in my life has been rewarding. However, I've realized an unfortunate side effect.

Dating focuses a man. It makes him think about just one woman (ok, maybe more than one, but the number is finite!). It makes him think about how he is presenting himself. It makes him not wear the shirt with that small but noticeable stain, and it makes him take his car to the carwash weekly instead of monthly. When a man is dating, it makes him think about the positive in his past, plan for his future, and consider the good and fun things about his present life.

I'm not quite sure how to fix this long-term. For now, my imaginary girlfriend Gertrude is very upset about my apartment's disarray and isn't coming over to play board games, so if you'll excuse me...

Anyone interested?

As a bonus squib, I'll explain just how nerdy I am. I once invited a girl I liked to play chess with me on Facebook. In retrospect, it was a beautiful litmus test of her interest. If she had been able to finish the game, I should have proposed on the spot. Not coincidentally, though, things didn't work out.

This is for all 3 of you who are still awake. I don't want to give too much away here about the video, but watch and feel free to do your own and tag me! @GreekPhysique