August 6, 2013

  • Divorcing Town

    "You don't like 'Town'," he said to me, a sort of glee in his voice. I told him he was wrong, that Town and I were just getting to know each other. It was only a few months so far. After all, City and I had gotten off to an odd start as well. I was sure things would turn out well.

    Here I am five years later...knowing that sometime in the spring of 2014, I'll be divorcing Town once and for all; or, if truth be told, Town will divorce me. The time has come for us to part ways. And so I start to wonder how this last year with Town will end.

    There have been a few signs that maybe Town wants to make up. Three years ago, I was ready to leave Town, and Town suddenly provided some friendship and direction. It looked like a real change between Town and I, and so I stayed. But Town pounced on me as soon as I re-signed my contract, and has been insufferable since.

    I've had to face the fact that in many ways, I don't want living here to feel better. That there's a part of me that is bitter, and treasures and nurses that bitterness. I am the Prodigal Son's angry oldest brother, not wanting to forgive when others have. Why not just choke on bitterness for the last 9 months? Why reach out when Town is just waiting to crush my dreams under apathy and false promises? THERE IS A NARRATIVE HERE TO UPHOLD, OF IDEALISTIC HARDWORKING YOUNG MAN BETRAYED BY...

    But our lives are not narratives. We are not part of a movie, and there is much less plot than we may think, except in hindsight. Yes, I signed up for three years with Town, and another three, and a lot didn't work out as I had hoped. Yes, it saddens me, boo-hoo sniffle sniffle. But...I would be amiss to not give Town a chance to be nice to me on my way out. It's my party...and I'll smile if I want to.

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