I woke up feeling tired and beat up, and have spent today in a bit of a haze. I was mad at myself for this. "Come on, body, why are you so lethargic? Why do you hurt? Come on, wake up!"

...I then remembered that I had done a big workout yesterday, and it all made sense. Ah, how stupid of me to forget. And yet, isn't that what we often do? We forget logical reasons for our weaknesses, and then we obsess over things. It's good to remember and rebuild, rather than be frustrated over temporary weakness.

I felt like posing a dilemma question, it's been a while. In the past, which type of loss has hurt you the most?
1) Losing an old friend or
2) Losing a boyfriend or girlfriend (assume you've been dating them for less than a year).
Thoughts?

Halfway to Pittsburgh: some thoughts about helping others. Click to watch my video on this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFwCia0OioQ

I have been gingerly tipping various toes into the dating waters, and was reminded of how awful I am at first dates via online dating sites. As a learning exercise, I've decided to write down why I've been so bad at them.

Flirtation:

I realllly hate flirting when I know I am soon going to meet someone in person. Why? I think first of all, I'm worried that it'll be a bad first date and that I led the lady on in some sense. All first date rejections hurt, but to go from a torrent of compliments to "Um, it won't work out" is a particularly bitter drop. I had that happen once especially that I remember; I was flirtatious ahead of time then first date was awful...she thought it went well and I had to drop the "no, sorry..." via text. So as you can guess, not flirting much before first date isn't a good sign.

Silence:

I know better, but I have a super bad habit of not talking to the lady in the day or two before the date. Often its because I have a lot of work scheduled, but also at times I feel like I have nothing to say or should save a story for the date itself. As you can guess, suddenly going silent right before the date always helps a lady feel better about this first-time meeting.

Body Language:

I am a walking litany of bad posture and negative signals. Slouching? Awkwardly getting in your way? Leaning back instead of forward? Oh I have it all. Worse, I become hyper-sensitive about our body distance (Wanting to get the door first but also almost running into you, etc.). Also, given my height/weight, at times there is a huge contrast between me and the lady, and I start feeling like Shrek.

So, working on it. A pox on online dating, I say!

I realized I hadn't posted as many Christian posts in the last 3 years. I feel a bit bad about it.

What happened? Well I spent 2008-2011 looking for a church to attend in NY. And once I felt comfortable in one, the Bible study group I liked from 2009-2011 kind of started falling apart. I tried to lead a Christian Fellowship at work with rather weak results. Basically, a lot of the outside structures that I used to maintain my Christian walk weakened or faltered.

I don't feel that I truly fell away, but I think I just became less innovative in my Christian walk. I unfortunately had some quarrels with a few Christian Xangans as well, and that didn't help. There's a certain irony in writing about Jesus when you know your brother/sister in Christ is mad at you.

I'd like to do more Christian posts again. But I have to admit that I'm a little down on all types of intellectual and spiritual posts lately. I somehow feel blogging has changed, and that people are just interested in pics and humor. Maybe it was always that way, and I was just better at ignoring it. I feel bad about not doing Christian posts because I recognize people might read certain things into it. But it just isn't in me lately. Hope that changes soon.

Stupid_systemus has a sweet post up about Otakon; if you like cosplay, definitely go check it out.

I ate at a Greek restaurant that just opened here. I was wearing my Greek soccer jersey so these Greeks called me over to get my life story, haha. Then they offered me wine that they had brought on their own. After we toasted, the one guy asked me if I was single. I thought it was awkward but I finally told him I was single. He then expansively pointed down the table where the younger guys/girls were and told me "They're all single, pick one!" Gahhhh Greeks are the best and worst, haha. I was amused and a bit embarrassed.

Who's still reading? I feel like posting more just because, since I think this might get shut down at end of August. If you don't have any contact info for me, just ask.

Ah, my emotions are so mixed right now. I am about to move away and I am saying all my good-byes. And in some ways it hurts to move and to lose so many lovely people. I won't truly lose them but we all know it is different after one leaves, right?

But as things pass, I'm also excited about the little things that did go well. There were a lot of nice times watching local sports, going on hikes, trying different restaurants. No, I didn't get a permanent job or get married, and I would have liked one if not both. But the best way to improve in my next job and town is to appreciate and forgive myself and my current town. Onwards!

My friend Steph was telling me about a study of languages. They asked people how they felt about their family and upbringing in, say, French first, and then asked the same questions a month later in English. Interestingly enough, people did not express themselves the same way. The very act of changing languages made them say different things.

I think as one gets older, you get more used to the annoying words "it depends." Are you happy? Well, where you live, who you know, the weather, the smallest of factors can change your happiness. I was annoyed with adults when I was younger for the way they seemed unable to give a straight answer about anything. Now that I'm older, I get it, I understand why adults seem to be so cautious and see so much grey.

I would say, in Greek, I might be a little more open, a little more blunt and honest. In English, I find my expression gets more and more cautious. More and more "sort of" "I think that" and other qualifiers instead of what I really feel. What have those of you who are bilingual noticed?

America is changing its laws. In the last 3 years, there's been a clear shift to more permissive laws when it comes to drugs, immigration, and alternative sexuality. What does that mean for Christians?

On the one hand, many of these laws carry within them seeds of forgiveness. At times, the laws have been overly harsh on offenders. Also, given the Christian principles of mercy, grace, and second chances, it's not a surprise that many Christians have become supportive of movements to legalize and/or amnesty many past offenses.

On the other hand, there's good reason to be concerned about the extent to which these measures are taking us. Particularly amusing is how, say, choices that were socially acceptable just 5 years ago are being revised to seem intolerant or illegal. Or, some of those freedoms may corrupt the weak or hurt others.

So what does a Christian do? I'd smirk and say a Christian's job is to be consistently unpopular. If the time comes where illegal immigrants are hunted down like dogs, the Christians' job is to hide them in his basement. If the time comes where cheap, easily available drugs flood our streets and leave too many of our citizens in a drugged haze, the Christians' job is to protest against the exploitation and to stand up to dealers and corporations alike. We consistently should fight for justice and mercy alike, and so we will consistently be "wrong" in permissive and totalitarian societies both. That is our calling.